Our God Of Second Chances...

Trying to allow God to meet my needs fell awful short yesterday.

I drove to Roswell to look at a single wide trailer I was assured wouldn't take very long to renovate, but it has "minor" hail damage to the exterior.

Finding it wasn't hard, it was the single wide teetering on it's side in the middle of a junk yard. All windows smashed out, no doors, 2 foot wide holes through the roof. I could smell the trailer even before I stepped into it. What a mess. All the interior had been soaked in water many, many times over. The ceiling hung down, the walls were falling in, it was full of black mold and there was an awful smell which burned your nose. I wondered if that was what a meth lab could possibly smell like. Each room was full of old motorbike parts.

It didn't take long to realize that this had been moved as a condemned building years upon years ago and should have been condemned as a health hazard right where it sat. If I had $15,000 and 3 years I may be able to make it livable. A $1 lighter would save everyone the trouble.

Driving back home I started to fret. Time is really running out and this running from county to county is getting so frustrating. This has been a three year odyssey and I am so exhausted. Then the rain started - and I have no waterproof shelter.

In the afternoon I was moping up the rain water flowing through this metal shed and I started to get frustrated in earnest.

The fact that the thief Huckins is living in a comfortable $160,000 home, totally protected by the laws of the land, came to mind, while hoarding my mothers money - knowing the pain and suffering it's causing - and there was no stopping me at that point.

The lack of justice in our judicial system is so horrendous you don't know what to think.

I sent an e-mail to the DA's office that I want to speak to Judge Ritter, and want to do so at the next hearing, the 30th of June I believe.

All kinds of things went through my mind, until I was so angry all I could do was cry. After hours of tears I realized that I was, again, doing the very thing that prevented God from being able to extend His grace to me.


" Lord, I am willing to be made willing to live as You lived on this earth. Please make me willing."

Faith In Action

I keep promising myself that I would allow God to provide a home, forgive these whom have hurt me, and start afresh repenting of my own distrust that God would provide what was stolen.

John came in from Hobbs and we re-started our search for a modular, mobile home, sea container.. anything that can be renovated and become a "home."

He looked so dejected and frustrated I couldn't help but feel guilty for involving him in my quest. He really has been a rock of stability, but when he admitted that this is getting tiring I wondered if I should not so depend upon his help.

Still we headed for Alamogordo fairly confident that his friend would let me buy an old, dilapidated single wide trailer, that we had viewed the week previous, on payments.. even though the renovation to make it livable would be fairly substantial.
And we still had to face the cost of setting it up, getting the utilities,and getting the barn finished. Yet this was the ONLY guaranteed accommodation we have found in 3 years.

The long time friend wasn't home, so we went looking for him.
Having spoken to mutual friends John returned to the truck and his initial comment was, "You will NEVER believe this!" Well, yes I would. Even before he explained I have come to a point where I have experienced enough to "expect the unexpected."
Sure enough the owner of the trailer is in jail, and probably won't be released for 12 months. And with him went the ONLY guaranteed home I had that I am aware of.

I have no idea what my initial reaction was. I don't even think I was conscious of a reaction until we were miles down the road and found myself praising the Lord for sparing me something that is obviously not His will.

John was still fretting about the deadline, worrying how we could obtain something with zero funds.. but I knew that God has something better in store. I have no idea how, or when, but I am standing on the promise of God that He will provide ALL of my needs.

I believe in one God, and no more; and I hope for happiness beyond this life. I believe in the equality of man; and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and endeavoring to make our fellow creatures happy. ~ Thomas Paine

Closed Doors! Where are the Open Windows?

I'm sure that many people have gone through periods where every single door is closed and you become so confused where you are supposed to go, or what you are supposed to do.

My daughter's major criticism of their mother has, for years, been: "Stop expecting everyone to think like you do."

I always assume that people mean well. Perhaps it's my raising. My father would quietly tell me, "Evil thinks as evil does." He was wrong. Evil is around us and we simply can't expect everyone to have honest and honorable intentions.

Some have emotional problems, they may come into your life like an angel of light only to lie, steal and deceive. Not all are blatant thieves like Huckins.

Today I am sat watching an 85 yr old man handle such a person. A person who wants to bully, control and manipulate. One minute bringing gifts, doing wonderful acts of kindness. The next spitting venom or doing unbelievable acts of viciousness. Legal and moral just seem like lost causes. It is their way, or they will bring total destruction.

Having felt the wrath I keep a distance, but it's difficult for me. To watch a deeded right of way closed because someone knows the owner is too old and ill to fight you, the oneupmanship, the continual bullying confuses me no end.

I have an infuriating habit of trying to understand why a human being would end up this malevolent, this unhealthy, when my daughter's are 100% accurate. "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts." -Aeneid

A minister was kind enough to speak with me and pray for me. His words allowed me to TRY to stop focusing on the problems and seeing them as problems. So here I am trying to lay it all at the foot of the cross - prayerfully I will be able to let go of self and leave it there. I have not done very well handling it alone. The question "How it is working for you?" is echoing through my ears.

A home, a horse facility, my mother, and the desire to open an equine therapy program for the military and local teens. It all seemed possible 3 years ago, today it seems so impossible. Yet with God ALL is possible.

Yesterday I went to the Lazy J and watched Honey, aka, "Bugs Flight" come in from a trail ride. She's a sweet girl and she will make a wonderful therapy horse.

Lord, Please open the doors I need to go through and close those not of your will, and please Heavenly Father, spare me from Greeks bearing gifts.


Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel. ~Author Unknown

Getting Back What Was Lost

Is the hardest task any victim of felony fraud & embezzlement, of this magnitude, can face.
Justice seems an unobtainable in a system fraught with so many injustices that it has simply devours each and every victim. It is tantamount to chasing an illusion.

I have been a professional writer all of my adult life, but for the most part I have remained within the area I specialize in. The horse industry.

I have always considered writing fiction, but the words and motivation never came so the task seemed daunting to me. Forced enthusiasm doesn't produce good works in any area of life. It must come from the heart, from deep within.

My mother has been my greatest, and ONLY, literary fan. She pushed, shoved, encouraged, complained. It is a bitter-sweet topic for her.
Years ago she took final draft manuscripts, works already published nationwide or internationally, to a university professor and asked his advice. She was so thoroughly convinced that within me there was a writer who could produce fiction.
I don't even read fiction, let alone write it.

And true, I didn't always get paid to produce equine genetic, equine training or promotional marketing articles. I produced them for not-for-profits, breed associations, registries, business friends - anyone who asked.

Over the week-end I thought an awful lot about my mother. It suddenly dawned on me that when she said, "You lost your way, you should write," she wasn't criticizing the dozens of articles published each year. She was telling me to write for a living.
Which took me back to fiction.

I couldn't even start to guess how far my attempt will take me. I don't know if I have the skills. But I have the motivation and desire. I can't show my mother the home she purchased from years of hard work and financial diligence.

But I can try to write the long overdue book that she was so thoroughly convinced I could write....

"Cherish yesterday, Dream tomorrow. Live today."

A Myriad Of Problems

But the primary one is financial. How can you buy the cargo containers without any money? This has been the on-going problem I faced when trying to buy a mobile home, modular, or anything livable.

Without the funds how can you start?

I would like to approach the courts and ask for an explanation of this bloody madness. I have so many questions I would like someone far more educated than myself to answer. Through the DA's office I was told that permission for Huckins to make and sell custom doors and cabinets out of his shop was in the works.

(1)
How is it that when Robert Huckins, a career criminal, say's that he CANNOT earn a living and pay his dues unless he is allowed to be in the career he was a criminal in - so he expects the courts to allow him to return to his career field OVER-RULING an existing felony plea bargain sentencing court order.

I cannot count the times I have said, Huckins not only stole the home, but my place of work. MY career is not within retail.. I can't make a living away from my career field WHILE HOMELESS that would give me the funds to recover an $82,200,00 loss. But if a victim needs to earn a living cliche's are given, "Oh, I wish I could earn a living at home."

WHERE IS THE MONEY HE STOLE? I WANTED TO GET BACK TO MY CAREER!

Oh, I forget, I'm a victim not a criminal with all of these "rights."

*Sigh*

(2)
The probation officer telephoned my daughter and said that Robert Huckins had to pay me $ 450+ on the 10th of June, 2010. The FIRST of many payments.
Yet I never received any money ... and here we are 8 days later and not a dime to be seen.

I'm somewhat of a curious person. Little things like this I notice. The fact that we held the plea bargain, sentencing & restitution hearing in March 2010, after MANY ridiculous delays, and we are still sat in limbo in June 2010 doesn't make me jump up and down with unbridled enthusiasm and faith in our judicial system.

Just to remind you..

7:55am -- Lincoln Co. Contractor Accused of Embezzlement

By Bruce Daniels - ABQnewsSeeker

Thursday, 25 September 2008 01:55 Man arrested Saturday was awaiting trial on two other cases of alleged fraud. Lincoln County contractor Robert M. Huckins, who is awaiting trial in two cases of fraud and embezzlement, was arrested Saturday in connection with the alleged embezzlement of $80,000 involving a local resident, the Ruidoso News reported. Huckins is scheduled to stand trial on three charges of fraud and one of embezzlement on Oct. 28, and a trial is pending in another case involving one count of second-degree felony fraud, five third-degree fraud counts and fourth degree count, the News reported. "He was under a court order as a condition of release from jail on those charges not to contract for any more jobs," Assistant District Attorney Sandra Burson told the paper. Court records show that Huckins has been involved in several civil cases since 1999, some of which are pending, according to the News. And the state Taxation and Revenue Department in April 2002 sought a restraining order to prohibit Huckins from doing business as Cabinet Craft, an order which still stands, a department spokesman told the News. "We'd like to hear from people who think Mr. Huckins defrauded them, even if they have contacted us before," Burson told the paper. "They can contact me at (575) 648-2383." Huckins has operated under the names Cabinet Craft and Concept Pros, according to Burson. Last Updated ( Thursday, 25 September 2008 02:05 ) http://www.abqjournal.com/abqnews/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=8790&Itemid=2

I think it's time for me to get a little tougher than I have ever been before.

IF the State of New Mexico CANNOT make convicted felons pay the restitution then it needs to STOP accepting plea bargains because of the restitution. If Robert Huckins claims that he cannot repay the money back then he needs to go STRAIGHT to jail without passing go.
Three years of going through the continual courtroom games is too long for a homeless victim, and the state should be thoroughly ashamed that they have allowed it to happen.
No money.. PUT HIM IN JAIL!

I have until August 2nd to be IN a home of some type, and that home had better be on the land my mother bought, in the county I have resided in for most of my adult life.

If there is no accountability to be had in the pitiful government structure in New Mexico some leaders may expect me to land on their doorstep in the near future.

"A system founded on injustices never lasts" - Seneca

Be It Ever So Humble....

There is no place like home..

This week-end we are going to try to start getting organized to put the roof on the barn. I have watched the metal roof sit on the ground for so long I would be shocked to actually see it on a building. Hopefully the rafters will be still available.

Yesterday evening I phoned John with another simply brilliant idea. What about renovating sea containers into a home? A local company has sea containers and I wondered if I could rustle enough money to buy 2 or 3 of them and get to work. Only a woman could come up with so many innovative methods to build a home on zero budget. Perhaps that isn't true because clearly others are far ahead of this desperate desperado.

I considered teaching myself to build a straw home.. but then the vision of the three little pigs of nursery rhythm fame put an end to that prospect.



The photos show finished sea or cargo container homes.

The economy is certainly troubling me. When married couples are losing their homes and having to leave these mountains I fear not being able to hold my own while homeless...
Trying to build when you are paycheck to paycheck is impossible.


If anyone has any innovative idea's about building under these circumstances all input would be sincerely appreciated.

And speaking of building and construction... I have heard that Mr. Huckins has now been allowed to make custom made cabinets and doors in his shop for prospective clients. Isn't this how the secretary of Shaws Engineering lost her money? Didn't she hire Robert Huckins to build or restore kitchen cabinets and she never saw her money ever again?
How about the neighbor of his who paid him $6,000 to build cabinets for her.. she didn't see the cabinets nor her money again did she?

Wasn't the court order very specific.. he was given 27 years in jail, suspended sentence, on the proviso that he NOT work in the construction industry and he make restitution with EXPEDIENCE.

If the courts continue to accept plea bargains why install conditions that they themselves don't expect to adhere to.

I should be shocked that the conditions of a plea bargain have been broken 90 days after they were signed by a judge, and before a DIME has been returned to me, but I'm not. If the courts had one ounce of common decency they would, at the very least, demand that this convicted felon build me the home he was paid to build - but that would be working in the construction industry wouldn't it?
Silly me!

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be times when we fail to protest - Elie Weisel

Go West Young Man, Go West!

Of course, if you are near the west coast you need to go east. If you go west you may end up in Alaska. They may shoot bloody thieves there.

New Mexico needs to hire me as their new PR person. As the recession deepens I advice all the thieves in the US and beyond to "Come to New Mexico where opportunity abounds!"

This is what WE can offer you in a package rarely found in any other state...

We can offer you years of unobstructed career opportunities because it takes the powers that be at least ten years to figure out that you truly do mean others harm..

They will have to meditate and levitate on the facts for that long.

Don't want to work? NO PROBLEM! Just give yourself a company or corporation name and New Mexico is your oyster!

Can't afford to hire employee's? Oh yes, you can... just give them bad checks and tell them to go away. After all, they should be tickled pink to have such a chance to be working for such a master of the con game. THEY should be paying YOU for goodness sakes!

If your state is enforcing draconian laws New Mexico will be the Land of Enchantment that will certainly enchant you!

If you are worried about law enforcement... NO PROBLEM!

If you are worried about the courts... NO PROBLEM!

If you are worried about punishment... NO PROBLEM!

If you are worried about having to give stolen money back... NO PROBLEM!

If you are worried about paying a debt to society... NO PROBLEM!

If you are worried about the victims actually seeing justice... NO PROBLEM!

If you are worried about losing YOUR home... NO PROBLEM!

New Mexico issues licenses to cheat, steal, rob and plunder because New Mexico believes that the American dream should be available to all - thieves included - so if you see someone have a dream you yourself want JUST TAKE IT!

With ZERO victim rights New Mexico has replaced the "Scales of justice," "Lady Justice" and "Lady Liberty" with "Dysonmia," "Ate" and "Adikia."

In this state we wear victims down, treat them with apathy and walk on their rights and in doing so we PROTECT YOURS.. what can be better than that?

And when the victims no longer have the energy to go forward, when they are homeless, penniless and distraught with worry about how they can get back on their feet, and hold a family together, we will help YOU show them how "Dysonmia," "Ate" and "Adikia" work in living colour!"An injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere" - Samuel Johnson

**** The Pen IS Mightier Than The Sword! ****

This was an early morning, a friend drove to Ruidoso and, in sheer desperation, we ended up taking a peek at an abandoned mobile home near Capitan, and we discussed "perseverance."

If there were medals given out for perseverance I'm convinced that I would, at least, qualify for an honorary mention.

So I took some time this afternoon to go through ALL of the e-mails between myself and Robert Huckins, and government officials, since I hired him to build a home and horse barn.

I shouldn't HAVE to display this type of tenacity - this dogmatic determination to GET justice.

We have a society designed to have elected officials protecting the citizens from criminal activity. These people get paid to do a job, and when they REFUSE to do a job it is nothing short of dereliction of duty. And if it continues to the degree that the Huckins cases have been allowed to escalate to then the responsibility passes from the criminal to the government officials.
Having watched what has happened in THIS case I cannot imagine how the parents of a child rape victim must feel when a judge releases a dangerous person back onto the street to hurt another person.
I cannot imagine how solid, faithful, law enforcement officers must feel when, after untold hours of investigations the judge just slaps the offender on the hand and lets them go.

Certainly my opinions have changed considerably. And I am so un-civilized I feel that those elected officials who don't want to do the job hired to do should PAY THE PENALTY OF THOSE THEY refuse to protect society from.

Don't want to put them in jail? Fine, YOU do their jail time.
Don't want to find stolen money? Fine, YOU pay the victims.

Some accountability has to be had.

The cowboys have an old saying, "Depends upon whose bull is being gored."

If it isn't your bull you don't give diddly squat! True Story!

From: Denise
Date: 6/17/2008 6:14:34 AM
To: Robert Huckins
Subject: Tuesday... June 17th, 2008.

I think perhaps it's time for us to have a heart to heart talk about this situation and see if we can come to an amicable agreement. I re-read your e-mail sent yesterday and went back through all of the e-mails to February. The common thread running through all is that you don't have the time to build my home or finish my barn.
Today, in June 2008, I am as close to having my own bed, cooking in my own kitchen, as I was in December 2007 when my mothers funds to purchase a home was transferred from England to the United States.

This has been an absolute tragedy.

With the 1600 ft home not yet started and a horse barn that consists of nothing but 4 walls. With a well that has never been used and electricity not yet onto the property the only work of any substance that has been done on that property in two months is the septic system.
And the property has been left in an awful mess.

Bob, you simply do not have the time for this. And you have admitted such in almost every single e-mail.

In the past few weeks I have had three real estate agents view the property and tell me what the market value was while we tried to figure out what my losses were going to be if you did not adhere to the contract.

Each one could not put a market value price above 40k for property I paid 30k for 6 months ago. The cost of the septic was not included in that estimate. Seeing as you will not tell me what the septic cost or who put it inI have no idea what the added value is. I do know that the well is a shallow well and that was not costly at all.
The barn, because it needed so much work and has NO building permits, was seen as a liability not an asset.

If the schedule that you gave me isn't going to be possible I think we should take a deep breath and negotiate what we can do to secure some relief.

There should be a substantial amount remaining in the building fund I had sent to purchase a home. A SUBSTANTIAL amount.
It if is enough to build a 1600 sq ft home then it certainly is enough for me to buy a nice modular and get it moved onto the property. If there is enough for you to finish the barn there is enough for me to finish the barn.
The difference is, if I purchase a modular and get friends and family to help I can be in a home within 4 weeks - a home with water & electricity instead of my sleeping in the cab of my truck wondering when my home will be finished.

You and Sylvi need to discuss this and give serious consideration to accepting my offer. I would relinquish the contract and walk away without a murmur or without any desire to speak about this situation ever again IF a SUBSTANTIAL amount of my money is returned to me.
We could then go about our business and see to the priorities we have. For myself that is getting myself into a home as quickly as possible, getting back to work and being able to see my mother.

~Denise~

His response?

"No, I will not return any monies, besides you were homeless when I met you - what's the difference?" The refusal to return my mothers money said by BOTH Sylvi & Robert Huckins!

On 7/14/2008 I sent the following letter to EVERY single representative and senator in the State of New Mexico. Only two responded and moved to TRY and get the law to do what the law should have done from the start; Senator Adair and Governor Bill Richardson. Two out of dozens of people who are sworn to public service. Just shameful!

From: Denise

Date: 7/14/2008 1:51:44 PM

To: senator_bingaman@bingaman.senate.gov

Subject: Help Requested........

I am trying to find ANY government official(s) who are willing to protect residents of New Mexico from business people who are taking money and then refusing to give the services paid for. ( A builder/contractor.)

I have $80,000+ in cash missing from a safe deposit box- where it was placed as a building fund in DECEMBER 2007.
The builder was NOT supposed to take it, but AFTER telling the assistant district attorney that it was IN a safe deposit box he took the money and refuses to put it back.

Trying to beg him to actually build a home is hopeless. He just laughs at you or bullies you.

I have 4 walls to the horse barn, the septic and the well done..And those have taken 7 months. He has broken every
schedule, lied about buying material, and lied about WHERE my mothers money has gone to.

I am one of dozens of clients of the same builder. Even the Ruidoso Downs Chamber of Commerce & The Domestic Violence Shelter was victimized by the same builder.

Where are our government officials? Why is the law protecting him and not us? This isn't civil, this is CRIMINAL.

I am homeless. Literally homeless with this building project just draining me more than I can cope with. I have NO protection, He has all of our money and he has robbed us of all of my hope.

Yet he can bully me, and mock me, and cat and mouse me and he knows that no lawyer will defend me because it's a waste of time. He knows that he can ignore court judgments and no-one does a thing to him.

Previous clients/victims tried to get the state to revoke his building license.
Did they? No, they simply ignored the clients he had stolen money from.

He knows that he has a game that is making him wealthy and the State of New Mexico.. Well, it does NOTHING.

Not law enforcement agencies, not the courts, not the construction licensing office (CID,) not the attorney generals office, not even the tax office. Is this man filing all that stolen money as income?

Mr.Bingaman, Are you going to tell me that you can't do anything either?

Denise Bundy

Ruidoso/Alto

New Mexico

1 575 808 2305

Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes Democracy necessary.- Reinhold Niebuhr

Beautiful Day But Clouds Accumulated In My Heart

This has been such a depressing day I am almost scared of writing in the blog.

The day started out fine, until my oldest daughter phoned me around 7 am to ask for advice about her little Yorkie's eye. It was swollen the size of a golf ball. My advice didn't ease her panic any, so by 8 am she was sat outside Dr. Willards veterinary clinic waiting for him to give Lucy a check-up. By noon poor Lucy was on the operating table having her eye removed.

This coming right after her other Yorkie, Harley, was injured exactly a week ago today.

In between phone calls from my daughter I had grabbed the Thrifty Nickle and started phoning dealers and owners of mobile homes/modular's.

By 3.30 pm I was so discouraged all I wanted to do was sit and cry.

To most people this is the start of summer, with warm days ahead. To myself this is yet another race with the seasons, trying to get a home before winter sets in - again.

Between my mother, and work and the stress of these continual "continuances" in the court trial I feel like my nerves are being stressed to the point of breaking.

I just don't know what else to say. PLEASE pray that both of the upcoming court trials materialize and no more court dates are set.. and please God let the DA start discovery and find out where the money is.

:(

Prayerfully tomorrow will be a better day.


"If thou suffer injustice, console thyself; the true unhappiness is in doing it." - Democritus

Faith and Footprints In The Sand

I wasn't going to allow faith to become a focal point on this blog, but it seems inevitable. Those who do have faith would say that I don't have enough, those who don't have faith would ask me why God is not returning my mother's money so we can go on with our lives.

Both would be valid comments.

I don't have the strength to go through this. I am so weakened, so emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted that I don't want to wake up each morning and I can't pretend otherwise. Each day a friend, yet another victim of Robert Huckins, tells me, "You have to keep going, you have to keep trying" and each day my response is, "I can't do this anymore - I am so tired."

But each day I do keep trying. I phone and write to mobile home/modular companies looking for anything that can be renovated. I phone the DA's office seeking any end to these court trials. I post ad's seeking an owner-finances mobile home/modular, watching the calendar change from March, to April, then May to June, and June slip away, knowing that I must try to be in a home before the cold weather arrives . Knowing that my chances of ever seeing my mother alive is slipping away with each passing month.

I may have done it a thousand times before over a three year period, but I do it all over again, an exercise of frustration borne from necessity.

If I could say that I "count it all as joy" I would be lying - bold faced lying. Yet I know, without a shadow of doubt, that I could not go through this under my own strength. For I have none left. God is now carrying me.

After the Haiti earthquake I quickly signed up as a volunteer and started rummaging through packed boxes looking for my passport. I so wanted to get away from my own seemingly insurmountable problems and try to help in ways I could help. I needed to lose "self" in "service." I needed to run away.

Anger is an emotion I cannot handle. I will get away, and stay a distance, from anyone who is an angry person, the type of a person who "looks" for something to be angry about. But when Dorothy McKeever died, for the very first time I felt and exhibited deep down anger. I was furious that this poor woman had been put through living hell for years before she died. And when I approached the court I did so first asking Judge Ritter if I could speak on behalf of Dorothy. It was so important that her silenced voice be heard.

Yet deep seated bitterness, or anger, don't seem characteristics that can play a part in this situation. I am lost, confused, frustrated, lonely, alone and sometimes disgusted with the courts and our judicial system. I question a lot. A myriad of emotions but bitterness and anger never become a permanent fixture no matter how roller coaster it may become.

Sometimes I go outside late at night and look at the light shining from the houses around me and I wonder if any of those residents know what it's like to be out in 25 or 30 degree weather day after day. When you become so cold you can no longer find a way to get warm. Or when the worries are pressing around you and you can't find a resolve, your life & family is being torn asunder and there seems to be nothing you can do to stop it.

But then I look at the cross and how God gave us His grace, and I am humbled & grateful.

As a Christian I may have fallen pitifully short of the mark, and won't even deny that reality. Yet I know that the only strength I have is Christ's, and when I hear people say that Christians are weak willed I have to respond, "THANK GOD!"
So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV)

Horses Give Us The Wings We Lack.

As the 3 years have passed my career field has become the focal point of a great deal of condemnation and I'm a wee bit curious as to how that is.

When the New Mexico military were getting ready to deploy to the middle east I offered all who wanted to come to Ruidoso for a few days free child care so they could spend some time with their spouses.

It just seemed a simple thing to do. Babysit the children of young couples, couples who didn't know if the deploying spouse would return to the United States in a coffin, in a wheelchair, or unharmed. As an ex-military wife it wasn't anything but an honor to be able to serve them that serve us.

By meeting so many young couples many started asking what I did for a living. "I'm actually a horse trainer/instructor" I always replied with a big grin.

I was shocked at how many asked if they could return to Ruidoso to go trail riding, or take lessons, after they returned from the middle east.

Those conversations started swirling around in my mind.

Bassel-Hagens disease is hereditary through my family. My mother has it in her legs only. She has difficulty walking, and standing for prolonged periods and her legs from above the knee to her toes look like concrete pillars. She can climb NO stairs.

I have it in the extreme form. My spine, neck, hips, arms, shoulders, hands, legs, ankles are covered in thousands of bone tumors.

My oldest daughter also has it in an extreme form, as does two of my grand-children if not more.

We are the "text book" of this rare disease. We all, from the young to the old, suffer from sever damage to the muscles, nerves, and my mother and I both suffer from the acute & widespread early-onset osteoporosis and arthritis that accompanies Bassel-Hagens when the body ages.
When the weather get's cold or wet I can barely walk if I have allowed myself to be idle for any period of time.

One of my saving graces for my health, my own mobility, has been my career. The athleticism required to train & ride horses made my muscular system so fine tuned that I turned 50 years old wearing size 1 jeans - solid muscle.

When I stopped training horses my body degenerated so quickly that for a brief period ( 12 months) I landed up in a wheelchair & on crutches. During a visit to the University of New Mexico Cancer unit in Albuquerque the specialist in Bassel-Hagens advised me to get back to the horse industry quickly and for as long as possible to keep my body tuned.
He was going to get no argument from me.

As my mind swirled from conversations with these young military families I started to put together a program not unlike the "Horses For Hero's" programs.

It had been years since I worked in a Handicapped Riding Program, in fact, it was back in the 1970's in Great Britain. But I knew, heart and soul, from personal experience as a person with serious disabilities, that horses are a wonderful asset in rehabilitation, in therapy, and if those military members had an affinity with horses the same could be instrumental in post war therapy.

Which is why, when I hired Robert Huckins to build a home and horse barn, I signed a contract that he had to build the horse barn before building the house. The barn was supposed to be finished before May 2008. I had to get to work and the barn was a necessary.

So when my mother and I lost our home, I also lost my ability to work within my own career field and it displaced me.

I understand that city people have a hard time seeing any agricultural related employment as a valid method to earn a living. But at 54 years old it's highly unlikely that I'm going to re-appraise my career options. Yet it's been very hurtful listening to comments of condemnation instead of simply helping because of caring, and using the excuse that I am a "horse trainer/instructor" as an excuse.
The comments were numerous:

She needs to get her priorities straight!
Why would she want to live so far away from Ruidoso?
Why would SHE need stables for goodness sakes?
Why is she bothered with horses?
She works with horses? Can't she get a REAL job?

One person told a volunteer from the local domestic violence shelter, while pointing at me, and speaking ABOUT me, "Well it's just like HER, she was left by her husband with NO SKILLS."

*Sigh*

I am educated, well read, published on an international scale. But I am a horse trainer, instructor and to be very honest... I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm a victim of crime, not a criminal because I work with horses. My father, being a tyke who spoke his mind as only a tyke could, would have quietly & with utmost kindness replied to those words of condemnation,

"You can't pull yourself up by pulling others down."

Besides the comments about my career I have heard untold rumors and accounts that simply hold no truth. If something is said or written that holds no truth - it's a LIE.
That falls into the "Thou Shalt NOT" category.

The sign of success isn't earning so much money you can have a home and training facility STOLEN without a word of distress, or trauma. The victims of fraud and embezzlement are not criminals though members of "Where is justice 4 All," an international group designed to change laws and support victims as myself, have assured me that the way " some" people have spoken to me, and about me, is perfectly normal. From my career, to my marital status, to my family, ALL has been subjected to criticism which has ventured into abuse.

It doesn't decrease the hurt knowing that others have experienced the same. It rubs salt into open wounds and it's terribly unfair and cruel. Inhumane.

The sign of success is trying to please God.
Success is found in the heart and soul. Not in your career or bank account, and it certainly isn't by distorting facts, embellishing gossip and passing it along as truth.

Luke 16:10 - "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." (NIV)

Proverbs 12:5 - "The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful." (NIV)

Exodus 20:16 - "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor." (NIV)

Proverbs 16:11 - "The Lord demands accurate scales and balances; he sets the standards for fairness." (NLT)

Psalm 119:160 - "The very essence of your words is truth; all your just regulations will stand forever." (NLT)

A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves - strong, powerful, beautiful - and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence.

Old School In A New Age

I have given an awful lot of consideration to criminal behavior and how our society deals with the anti-social element in our midst. I used to call them criminals, crooks, thieves, or whatever they are. But it no longer seems politically correct to call an ace an ace or a spade a spade. So to appease everyone I will simply say, "anti-social."

Over the years it has become clearly evident that we - as a society - spend a lot of money protecting the sensitive feelings of these anti-social individuals. They seem so thin skinned.

Have you noticed that THEY always claim to be the "victims?"

We re-schedule court appearances untold times, issuing subpoena's over and over again, delaying the inevitable at great expense. We provide them with court appointed attorney's, and bend over backwards to ensure their rights are not infringed upon, while destroying the victims without any conscience. Handling the anti-social element with kid gloves every inch of the way.

Have you noticed that it's not working?

When I was a child I would never have thought about stealing, let alone doing anything worse. Sure there were things I wanted, couldn't afford, and I probably would have taken them had I not FEARED the wrath of my parents. My parents were "old school."
Honest, honorable and upright citizens who expected nothing less from their child. If I did something as horrendous as stealing both my mother and father would have thrashed me within an inch of my life.

They cared as much about my moral character, about my personal integrity, as they did about my formal education or physical being. Learning to "not" steal was as important as learning to eat with a knife and fork.

As I grew older the fear was replaced with respect. I respected my parents so much I didn't want to become an embarrassment to them - I wanted to display the same characteristics I watched in them each and every day, under all circumstances.
That lead to kindness, compassion and an inability to do deliberate or malicious wrong to a fellowman.

You can't even bring up "punishment" anymore. It sounds so cruel and leaves visualizations of uncontrollable rage. Yet our Creator assures us that: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24)

Our courts, judges and legislators need to get a grip and start treating criminals as criminals, because if the parents have refused to accept the responsibility of raising their children to become productive members of society - the judicial system must take the responsibility of dealing with the consequences.

There isn't an option if society is to be protected, for presently the judicial system is guilty of further victimizing the victims.

We stand in front of you as proof!

It should be in your care, therefore, and mine, to elevate the minds of our children and exalt their courage; to accelerate and animate their industry and activity; to excite in them an habitual contempt of meanness, abhorrence of injustice and inhumanity, and an ambition to excel in every capacity, faculty, and virtue. If we suffer their minds to grovel and creep in infancy, they will grovel all their lives - John Adams

The Lemonade

I am simply amazed at how many books and articles have been written about being homeless.

Girl’s Guide to Homelessness
Survival Guide to Homelessness
The Art of Non-Conformity.. On being Homeless.

There is a veritable wealth of information, a cottage industry in itself, surrounding the "Art" of being homeless.

I miss the "little" things. Like being able to work in my career field, cook a meal, have my grand-children visit me, know where my possessions are, watch my mother walk into the kitchen mumbling something.
I miss having a bathroom, or a wardrobe to hang my clothes in. I miss normalcy, I miss "life."

There are some positives in all of this.

I don't have to worry about cleaning the windows, gardening, cleaning the bathrooms or ironing my clothes. I rarely even have to worry about putting make up on these days. If I can find something to wear that is clean and ready to wear I feel blessed. And I never have guests arriving to stay with me anymore.

I hear people say, "I would like to simplify" and I smile, give a wink and say, "Hire Robert & Sylvi Huckins and they will teach you how to simplify."

But it's bad form to leave people homeless in a ski resort. The winters are just not conducive to making lemonade out of lemons.

If you are going to be homeless make sure that it's on the Mediterranean, or in the Bahama's.

And I'm sure it is a lot more adventurous if you are younger and in good health, adventures can be a bit taxing on us "old folks."

If I was a lot younger I wouldn't mind not knowing where I was going to sleep next week, or by winter. Things like "where do I send my mail" or "how do I get the arthritis under control" wasn't part of the equation 40 years ago. I was too busy looking over the next hill or around the next bend, excited by life and all that was to come.

I never even thought my mother would ever grow old, let alone that a day would arrive when I would look in the mirror and see her looking back at me.

Homelessness and age don't fare well together. This is a young woman's game. So in the middle of winter, as the snow falls, it appears that I'm going to do exactly what Robert Huckins does...

I'm going to be dreaming of the South of France and the Mediterranean. ;-)

Bad laws are the worst sort of tyranny - Edward Burke

Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave...

Over the past three years, ever since I hired Robert Huckins to build a home and horse barn, I kept all correspondence with all parties involved.

By doing so it gave me accurate records, verbatim conversations, and it gave me an insight on how quickly people can be deceived even when faced with a career criminal still trying to con each and every person in his path..
The con game continues.

In the March 2010 sentencing and restitution hearing criminal defense attorney Todd Holmes said, "There is not a pot of gold."

There may not be a pot of gold, but I GUARANTEE that there is a LOT of money hidden somewhere, whether that be in investments, property, cash or a bank. That I have NO doubt. To even try to tell me differently is to ask me to start singing "Don't it make my brown eyes blue."

In September/October 2008 Robert Huckins was arrested, by Officer John Barnes, for felony fraud and embezzlement in MY case, having been given 30 days to return the money in August or face being arrested and felony charges filed.
Robert Huckins offered to return the money and told 3 investigators - in a recorded interview - that he didn't need 30 days to return it.

Yet he sat in jail for weeks on a $100k CASH only bond.

Because he didn't show his hand by coming up with the money everyone was convinced that he didn't have the money.

But he did.

In fact he had walked out of the Wells Fargo bank with $110k in JULY 2008. He withdrew the money KNOWING that the white collar crime investigators were closing in on him.

EXACTLY what he knew would happen DID happen. A second judge felt sorry for him, dropped the 100k cash only bond the first judge placed on him, and released him - in time for Thanksgiving or Christmas I believe.

( When I found out that he had been released I said, "The courts have JUST ensured that I will never see my mother's money - ever again - and sealed our fate.)

This man will push the envelope. He's ignored the IRS, NM State Tax & Revenue, CID, Judge's order one after another. He has always bet on the fact that the law works if someone fears punishment, but if you don't fear punishment the law of the land often can be disarmed, and people can assume something that simply isn't true. For example.. that the money has gone.

And why is Sylvi being ignored as though she is an innocent party in the fraud and embezzlement because she is far from innocent. It was SYLVI HUCKINS who originally looked me directly in the face in June 2008 and refused to return my mothers money, or finish building my mothers home.

Which leads to the obvious question. "Where did the money go?"

I hate repeating myself but I think it's a valid question.

Victim Ted Conley had a $25,000 judgment or thereabouts against Robert Huckins. He didn't GET the money but he did get a judgment.

Victim Francis McKinney had a $45,000 judgment or thereabouts against Robert Huckins. She didn't GET the money but she did get a judgment.

Victim Dorothy McKeever had an $87,000 judgment or thereabouts against Robert Huckins. She got 2 payments, he filed bankruptcy, and her lawyer told her that those checks - a total of $200 - may have to be repaid BACK to Robert Huckins.

The domestic violence shelter, H-E-A-L, had approx. $35,000, if not more, stolen by Robert Huckins.

Victim Nancy Canning lost at LEAST $65,000 and perhaps two or three times that amount, because her's is a confusing case. It may be over $200k for all we know.

Dana Dildene, unknown amount.

Sally Canning & Dr. Browns cases have not yet been heard in the restitution hearing so we won't know what their losses are until those hearings are completed. These are the two other felony cases.

My mother - $82,200,00.

These are the notable cases, and there is no way we can total up the whole because victims lost from $500 to $10,000 and were never recorded in court cases, civil or criminal. The list is endless, everywhere one turns you meet victim, after victim and the given sums vary from the trivial to the "ouch."

The money didn't go for building permits, or employee payroll, because the employee's for the most part were given bad checks. Neither was the money used to finish building projects because I have yet to find any building project that Huckins ever finished.

This is an awful lot of money for someone driving around in a beaten up, old, station wagon, living hand to mouth, with a home that has been let slip into such disrepair that it is falling down around their heads, furnished with items others have thrown away, refusing to pay their bills.

And who spoke of NOTHING else but returning to the South of France to permanently reside.


Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, wherever found, against the wrong. - Theodore Roosevelt.

Heartbreaks Continue

The fear that my mother would not be able to, emotionally, mentally or physically handle the knowledge that her building fund was stolen and she doesn't have a home to come to has been more than I can bear. Even if my mother and I don't always see eye to eye, I am an only child who has spent most of her life on the opposite side of the world.

As the family in England grew smaller, and smaller with loved one passing away, until only my mother remained, it made sense that her visits to the United States increased considerably and those visits lasted longer and longer as the visa permits allowed.

My mother is quite a fixture in and around Ruidoso. With her tiny stature, but joyful outgoing personality she epitomizes the typical grand-mother figure, not unlike Dorothy McKeever.

I had begged the courts not to allow the continuances to drag on. As summer turned to winter the fear of being in a metal shed in awful weather, unable to explain the realities to my mother, unable to tell her to come back to the states and stay in the home she bought and paid for, started to sear my heart.

When something of this magnitude separates family members it is simply excruciating for the severity of the damage is not even taken into consideration. It is as though my mother, the person whose money was stolen, an 82 years old British woman who has never commit a crime in her life and would never do anyone wrong. Has worked hard all of her life and has an impeccable character, is nothing more than collateral damage.
Not even worthy of consideration in the American judicial system.

But the continuances went on, from summer to winter, from winter to summer, back through winter again.. endless nail biting terror and torment.

Now in the third year, I had to make serious decisions. Would I allow the British Parliament (MP) the opportunity to defend their citizen from such a financial loss, do I dare ask the MP to do a European search for hidden money, or do I allow my mother to die having never had the opportunity to see her family again.

I heard so much cold hearted comments from acquaintances that had me biting my tongue, "Tell her, she'll have to get used to the idea." "Folks have to die sometime, so what are you worried about?"

I couldn't go through the MP without telling my mother, so I took the initial step to test the water and see what a mutual friend thought about my telling her.
But FIRST I had to break down and tell the friend, whom I had also kept in the dark.

The response arrived like a knife and tore into my heart, and reduced me to tears. In the subject line of the e-mail it simply said:

Straight Talk

Hi Denise,

To answer your first question - yes I had an idea, I am just sorry I didn't hear it from the horses mouth if you will pardon the pun.

Under the circumstances I didn't feel it appropriate to speak to your mum about it as you had not actually said anything to me.

I had a quick glance at the web site.

I need to make something crystal clear to you & I am not for one moment suggesting that you don't know your mum inside out so please don't think that.

Your mum is now well into her 80's & simply cannot cope with things as she used to. She will go on & on & on forever about the tiniest thing, she will start having problems breathing & gets panicky & very distressed.

She is entirely obsessed with you Denise. She cannot utter a sentence without somehow bringing you into it & getting the photo's out. She will talk for as long as anyone will listen about when you were young, the problems you had with your marriage, you name it - we have heard them all - the same stories - hundreds & hundreds of times.

Every time she sees me she asks if I have heard from you & hangs onto my every word then dwells on everything, gets things out of proportion & what are trivial things to most; will be

blown into something huge involving sleepless nights & trips to the doctors.

Not to mention us having to 'talk & counsel' her & try to reassure her.

We try to help & support her & you know we think a great deal about her. It isn't always easy & I know that it is all down to her age but what I am trying to say is that there is no way you could imagine how she reacts to things now. She has changed so much this past 3 years & we have to be so very careful with her.

Yes, she is still 'marching to the beat' as you once said but it is very different beat now, she is still feisty & hot headed but doesn't have the mental strength she used to have. I am not implying that there is something sinister wrong with her, but she is not the mum 'as was'.

So I leave it in your hands Denise. If you want to tell your mum everything then that is entirely your place to do so. It would be better for her to hear it from you rather than a third party. I would ask that you include some positives so that she can at least glean something favourable from the situation such as some photo's of what you have managed to achieve so far.

Love Jackie xx

My heart is simply breaking.

Nobody is poor unless he stand in need of justice.- Lactantius