Dog Day Afternoon

This morning was so nice it made you want to jump for joy, but it's been one of the laziest days I have had in a long time. I'm confident that there was a million things I could have done, and a lot I wanted to get done, but I didn't do a thing. I ended up with a violent migraine and went back to bed for hours. It took forever for the medication to ease the pain enough for me to be able to function.

Gracie's jaw has started to swell up again, so I spent the late afternoon wrapping her face in a hot wet compress, still not feeling very well myself. And I again started looking at the homes I could buy, if only the stolen money was returned.
It's amazing how many prefabricated and wood cabin kits I could afford... if only...

Trying to figure out how people can be this cruel, this heartless that they would steal knowing the consequences others have to pay. Mocking with arrogance each time they see the victims. It's all just too much for the human spirit to take, or even start to comprehend.

Isn't this the last full moon of summer? The moon behind the clouds is giving an eerie butt beautifully strange reflection in the sky.. and the smell of wood burning fires is already in the night air. Time has and is simply flying by and winter is uncomfortably close. This is so depressing and disheartening.


There has to be someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back.
I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none violent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Liam Griffin, I sat in your law office with two witnesses as you gave me your promise, your guarantee, that our money would be returned before harm came to us.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylvi Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply asked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever. The list just goes on and on and on.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, please convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home. Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.~ Albert Schweitzer

Run Away Home

Had it started snowing this morning I wouldn't have been the least surprised. It was one of those mornings when you can feel the snow falling even when it's not. The sky was almost grey-blue, giving such a "dark" feeling.

This shed is so full of mud and mold I decided to try and clean it up, just enough to have clean sheets to sleep on, and a clean floor to walk on. To try and decrease this awful smell. But it's been a day long exercise in frustration. It's hard living in a tiny spot in a garden shed because you really cannot move belongings to clean up the mess. You have nowhere to move them to. Gracie is recovering well, but becoming a canine rebel without a cause. Last night she decided that the only "safe" place to be was... snuggled right next to me. The lump on her jaw is still causing me some concern so I'll apply hot packs tonight to see if I can soften the infection remaining.

I am so pleased that animals owned by homeless people don't have any idea that they - also - are homeless. It was spoil the fun when Rio & Gracie have so much joy.

Despite a really miserable chilly night and early morning today turned into a gorgeous day after 12 noon, and I managed to get - if nothing else - clean bedclothes tonight. I am praying that today a home surfaced for the three Norwegian Fjords, with an ag teacher in Arizona. The only thing left for me to do is to plead to the family members of Robert Huckins to intervene. If that be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins. If you would be caring enough, and humane enough to do so, please make your brother, son, cousin return the entire building fund he stole from us so that I can buy a home. I simply can't go on homeless. It is already September 2011 and my nerves are in shambles after over 3 years of hell, that should never have been allowed. I am devastated at the loss of my mother, my career, my home and all I want is what we have paid honest money for - and I beg for your mercy.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

No women should be abused to this degree. I am homeless and I want to see my mum and return to my career, so I won't stop asking if I have to ask every single day until I die. Robert Huckins gave no-one an alternative, so I plead with sincerity for your mercy and intervention.

Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God, and value it next to a good conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of; a blessing that money cannot buy. ~Izaak Walton

Does Shivering Count As Exercise?

This morning was simply beautiful even though the night had been very chilly and damp. Gracie is healing well and becoming far braver in her new environment. It won't be long before she is jumping in the truck enthusiastic to go take a ride.

My body is still not adjusting to this chilly damp weather and I'm finding it harder and harder to function. Earlier this morning I thought I could "hear" my joints creak and the pain is so extreme I'm convinced that I would have a lot more fun being tortured. I couldn't describe the discomfort of being without heat or comfort on cold nights. It's such a hardship physically and emotionally.

I spent the day trying to play catch up, delivered a round bale of grass hay to Ruidoso Downs and ran some errands. It wasn't a very hectic day and for that I was grateful because yesterday was a long and hard day. As I drove through mid-town Ruidoso it was pouring down with rain and the Sierra Blanca had an ominous cloud around it... and it's name was "winter ahead."
I am exhausted. In all ways I am thoroughly spent and the thought of the weather getting colder is terrifying me. I cannot imagine what it would be like to live in a home, safe from this cruelty. At least the flies have disappeared.

There has to be someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back.
I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none violent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylvi Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply asked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever. The list just goes on and on and on.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, please convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home.

Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather, achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted. ~William Hastie

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I couldn't sleep last night and found myself tossing, turning and worrying until the wee hours of the morning. By 2.30 am I was so wide awake it may as well have been mid-day. When I finally did fall asleep Gracie started chewing my hair, and had managed to munch on a considerable amount before I woke up and stopped her from scalping me.

Animals are funny, some of my very best friends have had four legs. Rio is so protective of me she really doesn't like having to "share" and my boss is firmly convinced that she deliberately coaxed Gracie to follow her into David's walled yard knowing that she would become disoriented. Once Rio ran home poor Gracie had no idea which direction to go. That got rid of her!
I have no idea if animals are capable of such but I have seen things that were fairly well thought out and way beyond basic instinct.Last night Rio grabbed her favorite place right next to me. Gracie went to the bottom of the bed .. but kept an eye on Rio. As soon as Rio fell asleep she crawled right between Rio and I. I can't imagine doing anything else but working with animals. There are times when they are the only positive in my life.. the only thing worth living for. And at times nothing seems worth living for anymore.

The weather is simply fabulous. In the mid 60's and so pretty. I wish I could handle homelessness a lot better than I do, but even after 3+ years I don't know how. It makes you feel degraded. As though you are unworthy of a home, and ever having a home is nothing but a pie in the sky illusion.
I spent all day today hauling hay. The young man loading up at Lincoln County Mercantile told me a story about his brother, who was hauling horses outside Houston, Texas. He stopped at a restaurant to eat, and seeing as he would be a considerable time he tied his 3 horses to a line so they could graze while he ate and rested.
When he returned to the trailer there was FIVE horses.. not THREE. Someone had "dumped" two horses.

Thus is the economy today. We notice that the Mechum Pizza Hut closed in Ruidoso, but I have no idea of this was a sign of the economic instability.

The real bright spot of the day pertained to the electricity on the land. I think I have found an electrician who can get the utilities working .. it's only taken me from the winter of 2007 to do THAT much on our property. Please Heavenly Father, no more disappointments.

Someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us. I, like those victims who came before me, have been dragged through a living hell and I simply beg for your mercy.

I can't obtain a home until Robert Huckins returns the money he stole from us that was to buy a home, and I can't remain homeless.

Had he given the money back when he promised the white collar crime investigators I wouldn't be making this plea today. Had he never stolen our building fund I wouldn't be making this plea today.

But he pushes the abuse and torment to an extent where no alternatives are offered.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

No women should be abused to this degree. I am homeless and I want to see my mum and return to my career, so I won't stop asking if I have to ask every single day until I die. Robert Huckins gave no-one an alternative, so I plead with sincerity for your mercy and intervention.
Celebrate what you've accomplished, but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed. ~ Mia Hamm

S.O.S

Feeding this morning was like feeding in a mild winter. It's amazing how the weather has changed, and the weather forecast say's that we have a cold front coming in. I simply despair.
Quite late last night the swelling on Gracie's face broke open, minutes after I truly thought I had a dying dog on my hands. My grand-daughter phoned worried and the prognosis was very bleak. I couldn't even find a soft enough spot to lance. Within an hour period the infection had moved into Gracie's eyes, ear and throat. The constant heat packs didn't seem to want to move the infection, the antibiotic didn't seem to be working.. nothing seemed to stop it from going from bad to critical.
I had no sooner put the phone down after talking to my grand-daughter when the skin broke and allowed the infection to drain.
She was one happy camper when I phoned to tell her that Gracie was now on the mend.

This morning the puppy is full of vim and vigor. Her face is still swollen, but nothing compared to what it was, and it's draining on a continual basis.

Today was one of those days when being homeless became so overwhelming it caused an avalanche of emotions, none good.

I couldn't find my keys when I needed to run errands. Everyone loses their keys, but when you are homeless "where" you could have lost them becomes a disaster in the making.

While looking for the keys the puppy walked away and I couldn't find her. I turned the place upside down looking for a 16 wk old puppy getting more and more upset. I ran around the neighborhood for over an hour shouting a small puppy.

By the time I found the keys I was in tears. I started the truck to go look for the puppy and the "gas" light came on warning me that I didn't have any gas.

So I drove to TR's store in tears. I bumped into a sheriff's deputy at TR's and explained to him that I had lost my grand-daughters sick puppy, and asked him to phone me if someone called the department and reported a straying pup. Inside the store I was an emotional wreck.

Coming back to look for the puppy I stopped at the post office and asked David to check his yard and see if the puppy was hidden there, but I was so distraught I phoned Jan and asked her to pray for me because today I was breaking down. As we were talking I drove by Davids home and sure enough Gracie was huddled in the corner, thoroughly confused at what direction she should go. A total of three hours had gone by since I first realized that I had misplaced BOTH sets of keys.

It wasn't the keys, or the pup that sent me into an anxiety attack.. it was having no home, no stability. It was living in a dirty shed in total chaos unable to find anything. My life shattered into a million pieces, not being able to work in my own career field and see my mother. It was not even being able to offer an honest days pay for an honest days work just to get electricity to the land. It was the physical pain and the emotional torment of homelessness. It literally snowballed today.. and all it took to get the avalanche started was a missing set of keys.

Someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us. I, like those victims who came before me, have been dragged through a living hell and I simply beg for your mercy.

I can't obtain a home until Robert Huckins returns the money he stole from us that was to buy a home, and I can't remain homeless.

Had he given the money back when he promised the white collar crime investigators I wouldn't be making this plea today. Had he never stolen our building fund I wouldn't be making this plea today.

But he pushes the abuse and torment to an extent where no alternatives are offered.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

No women should be abused to this degree. I am homeless and I want to see my mum and return to my career, so I won't stop asking if I have to ask every single day until I die. Robert Huckins gave no-one an alternative, so I plead with sincerity for your mercy and intervention.

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Autumn Anxiety

This has been a busy "first day of the week" having to run to Harvey's Fed to pick up hay and grain and stop in Wal-Mart for some supplies.

Sandi at Wal-Mart cashed me out but she kept holding her knee and I asked what was wrong. It seems that I am not the only middle aged woman who is screaming in pain because of my skeleton system and joints. She was in fairly bad pain and I felt deeply for her. I am still in excruciating pain and knew what she was going through.
Throughout the night my hips, spine, ankles, shoulders and neck caused such pain I would have happily walked out into the night and screamed my lungs out had I thought it would relieve the pain. And the migraine I have had for 3 days just happily pounded away.

My left hip is really starting to worry me. I just don't know how long it will hold up under these conditions.. there again, I have no idea how I have managed to hold up at all.

The member I have known from the Christian forum for almost a decade went to be with the Lord this morning at 10 am. Though I am deeply saddened for her husband and family.. I somewhat envy her. The swelling on Gracie's face is still the same though the hot wet compresses seem to be softening the tennis ball size lump. Becky told me to give Gracie children's Benadryl every 4 hours so I picked up a couple of bottles at Wal-Mart. Coming back to Alto I passed my daughter driving the ambulance towards Ruidoso Downs and my heart went into my stomach. Few people could be as careful driving as she is, and has always been. She started driving large hauling vehicles when she was 12 years old on a ranch. But, well.. the sight of her behind the wheel of an ambulance with sirens going always makes my stomach turn a little.
It's just a "mothers heart" reaction.

Meanwhile Texas burns.. again.

1,000 Homes Burned In One Week

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — More than 1,000 homes have been destroyed in at least 57 wildfires across rain-starved Texas, most of them in one devastating blaze close to Austin that is still raging out of control, officials said Tuesday.

Speaking at a news conference near one of the fire-ravaged areas, Texas Gov. Rick Perry said more than 100,000 acres have burned in the drought-stricken state.

The Texas Forest Service says nearly 600 of the torched homes were in Bastrop County, some 25 miles from Austin. The agency said that blaze was still uncontained Tuesday. It was the most destructive fire of the year for a state that has had more than 3 million acres burned, said state emergency management chief Nim Kidd.

The number of destroyed homes is expected to go higher as officials assess hard-hit areas, Kidd said.

Perry, who interrupted his campaigning for the Republican presidential nomination, toured one of the fire-ravaged neighborhoods Tuesday morning.

"Pretty powerful visuals of individuals who lost everything," Perry said. "The magnitude of these losses are pretty stunning."

Calmer winds Tuesday were expected to help in the battle against wildfires that flared up when strong winds fed by Tropical Storm Lee swept across Texas over Labor Day weekend.

Texas Forest Service spokeswoman Victoria Koenig said it was too early to say how much progress was made fighting the wildfire in Bastrop County overnight. The agency says the fire has grown to 30,000 acres.

"It's encouraging we don't have winds right now, not like yesterday," Koenig said early Tuesday.

Even with the encouraging conditions, Koenig said it was a "tough, tough fire" that was raging through rugged terrain, including a ridge of hills.

"You can still see the hills glowing quite a bit," she said.

At least 5,000 people were forced from their homes in Bastrop County, and about 400 were in emergency shelters, officials said Monday. School and school-related activities were canceled Tuesday.

In Bastrop, a town of about 6,000 people along the Colorado River, huge clouds of smoke soared into the sky and hung over downtown Monday. When winds picked up, flames flared over the tops of trees. Helicopters and planes loaded with water flew overhead, and firefighters along a state highway outside the city converged around homes catching fire.

The fire was far enough away from Austin that the city was not threatened, but it consumed land along a line that stretched for about 16 miles, Texas Forest Service officials said.

There were no immediate reports of injuries, and officials said they knew of no residents trapped in their homes.

On Sunday, about 200 miles to the northeast in Gladewater, a 20-year-old woman and her 18-month-old daughter died when a fast-moving wildfire gutted their mobile home.

Besides the wildfires we still have floods, tornadoes and other disasters slamming the United States with a vengeance. 2011 will go down in history for being the most destructive to life, limb and property in this country.

Those who have lost homes are shattered, bewildered at what they will do. Having lost my home I understand their plight. It's a heartbreaking path that destroys your self-esteem, dignity and leaves you desperate and deeply distraught.

The only thing left for me to do is to plead to the family members of Robert Huckins to intervene. If that be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins. If you would be caring enough, and humane enough to do so, please make your brother, son, cousin return the entire building fund he stole from us so that I can buy a home. I simply can't go on homeless. It is already September 2011 and my nerves are in shambles after over 3 years of hell, that should never have been allowed. I am devastated at the loss of my mother, my career, my home and all I want is what we have paid honest money for - and I beg for your mercy.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

No women should be abused to this degree. I am homeless and I want to see my mum and return to my career, so I won't stop asking if I have to ask every single day until I die. Robert Huckins gave no-one an alternative, so I plead with sincerity for your mercy and intervention.

I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams. ~Jonas Salk

End Of Summer Season

And this morning felt like mid-winter. I tossed and turned all night in the worst possible pain. The cold & damp weather seized my hips and spine. The more I struggled with pain the more a migraine added to my terror.
By 5.am I was half awake but I couldn't walk steady enough so I went back to bed and didn't wake up until 9.30 am. I suspect those last 4 hours of sleep were the only good sleep I managed to acquire in 24 hours.
These nights dropping below 40 degree's are hard on me physically and emotionally. I am terrified of going through another winter homeless.

No-Name looked at me as though I had lost my ever loving mind feeding him after 9.30 am, when breakfast should be at dawn. Horses are creatures of habit and they don't like their feed times dramatically changing.

It wasn't long before I received a frantic phone call from my grand-daughter about a Weimeranian hybrid puppy who had been injured. I have no idea if the pup has a sliver of wood stuck in her throat, or has been bitten by a snake or spider. But whatever has happened it's pretty bad.
Not being able to contact Becky or Warren I ran to the Lazy J to get some broad spectrum antibiotic for puppies, and get Jan's expert advice. The puppy, Gracie, quickly adopted me and it's more than likely that she will join Rio as my "sidekick."

Jockey Jacky Martin was seriously hurt at the track and his progress seems to be on the hearts and minds of everyone in the horse industry. It must have been bitter sweet that the horse he was scheduled to ride, Ochoa, went on to win the All American under Roy Balidillez. It's time to stop racing 2 years olds and allow them to gain the bone density to sustain the impact of racing on their legs. It's time for some serious re-visitation of standard practices - to save both horses and jockeys.

Jockey Jacky Martin In Critical Condition

Jockey Jacky Martin was placed on a respirator Sunday morning at University Medical Center in El Paso, Texas, two days after sustaining neck fractures in a spill at Ruidoso Downs in New Mexico. His wife, Tracey Martin, said he has been diagnosed as a paralyzed from the neck down and at this point there are no surgeries scheduled.

She is in the process of sending copies of his medical records to a handful of doctors around the country in an attempt to “look for other answers.” Her search for further medical opinions has been assisted by R.D. Hubbard, the owner of Ruidoso who is helping to put Tracey Martin in contact with specialists in California.

“Everyone is trying to help,” she said between tearful breakdowns Sunday.

Jacky Martin, 56, was injured in the sixth race Friday, when his mount in the $6,500 maiden claiming sprint for Quarter Horses, Phire Power, fell after the wire and threw the jockey.

“He’s never moved since he hit the racetrack,” Tracey Martin said Sunday.

Tracey Martin said in addition to three neck fractures, she has been told her husband has multiple contusions around his spinal cord. There has been some hope the paralysis will be temporary when the swelling in his back subsides. But, Tracey Martin said doctors have been trying to prepare her for life with a paralyzed spouse.

“We need everybody’s prayers, and we’re going to need everybody’s help somewhere down the road,” she said Sunday.

Jacky Martin on Friday night was airlifted from Lincoln County Medical Center in New Mexico to the El Paso hospital, and as of Sunday he was listed in critical condition, said Tracey Martin.

Jacky Martin will go down in history as one of the greatest Quarter Horse jockeys of all-time. He has won seven runnings of the prestigious All American Futurity, and on Monday had been named to ride the $2.4 million race’s favorite, Ochoa. Martin has compiled a record of nearly 3,000 wins and $46 million in mount earnings since he began riding in 1972. Martin is a member of the Ruidoso Downs Racehorse Hall of Fame.

The only thing left for me to do is to plead to the family members of Robert Huckins to intervene. If that be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins. If you would be caring enough, and humane enough to do so, please make your brother, son, cousin return the entire building fund he stole from us so that I can buy a home. I simply can't go on homeless. It is already September 2011 and my nerves are in shambles after over 3 years of hell, that should never have been allowed. I am devastated at the loss of my mother, my career, my home and all I want is what we have paid honest money for - and I beg for your mercy.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

No women should be abused to this degree. I am homeless and I want to see my mum and return to my career, so I won't stop asking if I have to ask every single day until I die. Robert Huckins gave no-one an alternative, so I plead with sincerity for your mercy and intervention.
Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle. And how can we generate this imponderable quality, which is yet so invaluable, most quickly? By thinking that other people are inferior to oneself. ~Virginia Woolf

Thick As Pea Soup

I woke up this morning to fog as thick as pea soup, and it was bitter cold. A damp cold that just went right to your bones. It must have taken an hour of trying to find any over the counter medication to ease this excruciating chronic pain before I realized that it was raining. Not a hard rain, just a methodical steady rain.
This was a sight from mid-winter not late summer or autumn and having slept through the night in it I wanted to rip my skeleton out of my body just to ease the agony. I sat down on the bed and all I could do was cry.

Keeping food in this shed isn't possible but I was grateful that I just happened to have a can of soup floating around so I could get something hot to eat before I ventured into the fog, and I easily found my wellingtons (rubber boots) so I could get into the paddock and feed "No-Name."

He looked as disgusted as I felt. A very cold miserable morning, but an hour after he ate his breakfast he was running around full of life. I could tell that he doesn't have Bassel-Hagens, Osteoporosis and a myriad of other health problems compounded by being homeless in the cold damp weather. Had he hurt as I hurt he sure wouldn't have bucking and rearing as he was. I couldn't even walk upright let alone lift my legs.

As I was running around Ruidoso today it dawned on me that everything is relevant. Even the weather. Most people are fairly excited to see such a cool wet day .. the day before the All American Futurity. It was the talk of the town.

But most people step out of a comfortable home and will return to a comfortable home. The lower temperatures and the damp night time hours do not effect them.

When you are homeless the damp and colder nights, those that fall into the 40's and below, chill you to such a degree that even when the daytime temperature go into the upper 50's and lower 60's, you simply can't recover from the night. All day I was silently grimaced in pain. Winter hasn't even arrived yet but the taste I experienced today was not good.

I managed to arrange to get Jan linked back up with an Olympic candidate trainer for the APHA stallion, but I am still struggling trying to find a permanent home for the Norwegian Fjords.

The only thing left for me to do is to plead to the family members of Robert Huckins to intervene. If that be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins. If you would be caring enough, and humane enough to do so, please make your brother, son, cousin return the entire building fund he stole from us so that I can buy a home. I simply can't go on homeless. It is already September 2011 and my nerves are in shambles after over 3 years of hell, that should never have been allowed. I am devastated at the loss of my mother, my career, my home and all I want is what we have paid honest money for - and I beg for your mercy.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

No women should be abused to this degree. I am homeless and I want to see my mum and return to my career, so I won't stop asking if I have to ask every single day until I die. Robert Huckins gave no-one an alternative, so I plead with sincerity for your mercy and intervention.

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.~ William J. H. Boetcker

Labor Day Week-End

I woke up at 3 am so cold and damp I could barely move. It felt like every tumor in my body was the size of a golf ball and all my muscles, nerves and tendons had wrapped around the tumors. It has rained most of the night, and clearly it had rained a considerable amount. But I heard not a thing. The temperature was 49 degree's outside, but inside the shed it was in the lower 30's with the foundation soaked in muddy rain water.

It may be wrong, but I detest opening my eyes and seeing a new day. I am even starting to question my faith for all God has to do to stop this inhumanity is.. take me home.

I did what I have done dozens of time, in the dark I walked outside to look at the warm comfortable homes around me. It's an automatic reaction when I am cold and hurting, yet I don't know why. I think a "home" is very different for a woman than a man. To women it's our world. It contains all that is precious. Our families, our memories, our hopes and dreams.

Yesterday I stopped by the Ruidoso News newspaper office to talk to a reporter, and we discussed this endless state of homelessness, then ran some errands for my boss. On Monday it's my grand-daughters birthday so I had to send her birthday present UPS.

My grand-children always want to visit me, but it's hard to visit a garden shed that isn't fit for an animal let alone a human being. Last week my 3 yr old grandson did come up with a resolve about as rational as I have seen thus far.. he was going to "carry" a house to the land because he had grown "so strong." I need the faith and imagination of a child. If only we could restore what has been stolen with such simplicity.
Around 1 pm hail started with a vengeance. It came down fast and furious and continued on for such a long time that water flooded right through this shed ankle deep. All the boxes of my belongings soaked again and I was frantically trying to sweep the water out of the door. Within the hour I didn't have anything left dry. Everything was water logged.

After Tuesday the 2011 racing season will end and the racetrack will close down. It's the separation of seasons for us, the lull between the summer season and the winter ski season that will start on Thanksgiving. But for myself it's a gut wrenching nail biting time for I still have not even heard from the electrician and another homeless winter sat vulnerable to the elements is now a given save a miracle.

There has to be someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back.
I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none violent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylvi Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply asked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever. The list just goes on and on and on.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, please convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home. I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

**** Silence Is Golden ****

A friend and I spoke in length about crime this morning. Particularly about victimizing women. It's one thing to have your vehicle stolen, or your home broken into. Or several thousand dollars stolen by those without conscience. Those are heinous criminal acts. It is an entire different story when your HOME is stolen. The repercussions are so bad that inhumane doesn't even start to describe it.

This blog is an accurate account of my own hardships, my own thoughts, my fears, and a daily diary of my life. It isn't embellished or exaggerated. If anything it is fairly mild compared to the truth for one cannot describe the emotions that prevail when you cannot see your mother, or when the temperature drops to 24 degree's below zero and you are homeless without adequate heat. You have to "feel" emotions and hardships of this level of cruelty, it's impossible to describe them.I'm confident that it isn't what some want to read. It's very easy to ignore the victims of crime when they remain silent. As I spoke to victim after victim in 2008 and 2009 a pattern emerged. Most were embarrassed, and some were genuinely ill having gone through so much stress and anxiety. Their silence had become an asset to a career criminal.

I refuse to go through this quietly, but more important I refuse to die quietly as Dorothy did. If my fate is going to be as her fate was I will not allow it to be swept under a rug. Women should not have to suffer in silence because of career criminals. And I will not. As long as I am homeless or alive I will continue to document my life - or what is left of it.

I have done an awful lot of begging in the past 3+ years. It's embarrassing to have to beg. It is humiliation so bad you want to crawl under a rock and hide. I have begged for relief, begged for help, begged for someone to help me find our building fund. I have begged to a degree I have never begged before. I don't beg for something I have no right to - but what is ours. I beg because I am desperate and I know that I cannot survive homelessness. When your life and family depends on mercy, begging is not beyond anyone.

From: Denise
Date: 6/17/2008 6:14:34 AM
To: Robert Huckins
Subject: Tuesday... June 17th, 2008.

I think perhaps it's time for us to have a heart to heart talk about this situation and see if we can come to an amicable agreement. I re-read your e-mail sent yesterday and went back through all of the e-mails to February. The common thread running through all is that you don't have the time to build my home or finish my barn.
Today, in June 2008, I am as close to having my own bed, cooking in my own kitchen, as I was in December 2007 when my mothers funds to purchase a home was transferred from England to the United States.
This has been an absolute tragedy.

With the 1600 ft home not yet started and a horse barn that consists of nothing but 4 walls. With a well that has never been used and electricity not yet onto the property the only work of any substance that has been done on that property in two months is the septic system.
And the property has been left in an awful mess.
Bob, you simply do not have the time for this. And you have admitted such in almost every single e-mail.

In the past few weeks I have had three real estate agents view the property and tell me what the market value was while we tried to figure out what my losses were going to be if you did not adhere to the contract.

Each one could not put a market value price above 40k for property I paid 30k for 6 months ago. The cost of the septic was not included in that estimate. Seeing as you will not tell me what the septic cost or who put it inI have no idea what the added value is. I do know that the well is a shallow well and that was not costly at all.
The barn, because it needed so much work and has NO building permits, was seen as a liability not an asset.
If the schedule that you gave me isn't going to be possible I think we should take a deep breath and negotiate what we can do to secure some relief.

There should be a substantial amount remaining in the building fund I had sent to purchase a home. A SUBSTANTIAL amount.
It if is enough to build a 1600 sq ft home then it certainly is enough for me to buy a nice modular and get it moved onto the property. If there is enough for you to finish the barn there is enough for me to finish the barn.
The difference is, if I purchase a modular and get friends and family to help I can be in a home within 4 weeks - a home with water & electricity instead of my sleeping in the cab of my truck wondering when my home will be finished.
You and Sylvi need to discuss this and give serious consideration to accepting my offer. I would relinquish the contract and walk away without a murmur or without any desire to speak about this situation ever again IF a SUBSTANTIAL amount of my money is returned to me.
We could then go about our business and see to the priorities we have. For myself that is getting myself into a home as quickly as possible, getting back to work and being able to see my mother.
~Denise~



From: Denise
Date: 7/14/2008 1:51:44 PM
To: senator_bingaman@bingaman.senate.gov
Subject: Help Requested........

I am trying to find ANY government official(s) who are willing to protect residents of New Mexico from business people who are taking money and then refusing to give the services paid for. ( A builder/contractor.)

I have $80,000+ in cash missing from a safe deposit box- where it was placed as a building fund in DECEMBER 2007.
The builder was NOT supposed to take it, but AFTER telling the assistant district attorney that it was IN a safe deposit box he took the money and refuses to put it back.
Trying to beg him to actually build a home is hopeless. He just laughs at you or bullies you.

I have 4 walls to the horse barn, the septic and the well done..And those have taken 7 months. He has broken every
schedule, lied about buying material, and lied about WHERE my mothers money has gone to.
I am one of dozens of clients of the same builder. Even the Ruidoso Downs Chamber of Commerce & The Domestic Violence Shelter was victimized by the same builder.
Where are our government officials? Why is the law protecting him and not us? This isn't civil, this is CRIMINAL.

I am homeless. Literally homeless with this building project just draining me more than I can cope with. I have NO protection, He has all of our money and he has robbed us of all of my hope.
Yet he can bully me, and mock me, and cat and mouse me and he knows that no lawyer will defend me because it's a waste of time. He knows that he can ignore court judgments and no-one does a thing to him.

Previous clients/victims tried to get the state to revoke his building license.
Did they? No, they simply ignored the clients he had stolen money from.
He knows that he has a game that is making him wealthy and the State of New Mexico.. Well, it does NOTHING.
Not law enforcement agencies, not the courts, not the construction licensing office (CID,) not the attorney generals office, not even the tax office. Is this man filing all that stolen money as income?

Mr.Bingaman, Are you going to tell me that you can't do anything either?

Denise Bundy
Ruidoso/Alto
New Mexico
1 575 808 2305

The physical consequences of being homeless should be evident, but are often not. Your health takes a turn for the worse. Human beings are simply not designed to withstand the type of adversity the seasons can give without cover. If we were designed so the building industry wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry and we would all be homeless. Yet it's the emotional that wears you down and causes 24 hour-365 day a week grief. If this was inflicted upon a criminal it would be regarded as "cruel" punishment and the ACLU would be up in arms.

But for a female victim of crime it isn't even a consideration. At that point we have become invisible human beings void of worth, dignity, compassion or humanity.

While feeding "No-Name" early this morning the deer came galloping out of the pine tree's by the dozens. The grass has turned lush green after the rain, but there still is not enough feed around for the wildlife. We needed this level of rain in the spring, not autumn, to sustain the wildlife. After a gloriously sunny morning the storm clouds came over the Sierra Blanca around 2.30 pm, but brought no rain. Within the hour the sunshine and warmer weather returned.
Tonight I think I have some flies to kill....

There has to be someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back. I am begging anyone in this family for help.

I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none violent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylve Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW, and you knew what your son had done to them and others.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply asked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever, $45,000 from Francis McKinney. The list just goes on and on and on.
Because of Robert Huckins I ended up paying $140,000 to be homeless.. sat in the cold, emotionally, physically and financially broke. In the middle of a recession, with no way to recover the stolen funds.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, please convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home.
In the long run, the oppressor is also a victim. In the short run (and so far, human history has consisted only of short runs), the victims, themselves desperate and tainted with the culture that oppresses them, turn on other victims. ~Howard Zinn