Saturday afternoon one of my hips went out due to the Bassel-Hagens disease and walking or sitting became so painful I was gritting my teeth trying to remain functional. By this morning it just feels heavily bruised, but not the excruciating pain I experienced since Saturday.
The weather is absolutely fabulous but I'm starting to wonder if that is a plus or a minus. It's true that it's a lot more comfortable than facing those 11 degree temperatures. Today it's 59 degrees - wonderful weather - but last night after 7 pm it was well into the upper 30's, lower 40's. Yet with the warmer spring like weather comes a desperate desire to get into a home - to get the trailer house finished, get the barn roof on and without help my hands are tied.I don't even know whom to turn to to get help anymore, all the help I had ran when the construction industries division red tagged the trailer, and they never returned. It's such a lost and confused feeling.
Sometimes desperation turns into panic, and that panic plummets me into a depression I barely withstand. It's been one of those times when tears fall sub-consciously and I have an overwhelming desire to just GO HOME.. but I don't have a home to go to.
I opened the letter from the State of New Mexico Corrections Department and found a money order for the January 2011 payment from Robert Huckins made out to the amount of $456.66.That means that he now ONLY owes me $78,546.72.
At this rate it will take me over a year to be able to afford the electric poles to turn the electricity on at the land - but why worry about electricity when you can't find anyone to actually help you get a home ready to live in.
Still the sun shines, the weather couldn't be more perfect to get the house trailer and barn finished and I'm just desperate for a home and desperate for help.
"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it" - Albert Smith
