Simply freezing cold this morning, and I am having an awful time trying to get warm. I have been trying to get hold of John to see if he is bringing the welder, or coming to Ruidoso at all, but he doesn't answer his phone so I have no idea what to tell Jesse.Jesse is going to California for two week so he was nervous about trying to get the permits and locate John so we could start doing something before he leaves. Everything seems so topsy turvey
.
A four week "red tag" shut down with no relief in sight puts everything in such a precarious situation, when we were already faced with incredible difficulties.
And the weather is just getting colder. It won't be long before the ground is frozen and weather impedes any progress.
Having sent them the engineers report via e-mail I had to tell Senator Adairs office that I have to try and get a roof on that barn and house with or without the blessing of the State of New Mexico. I have paid for so many "permits" in the past 18 months that I feel like I could file the State of New Mexico as a dependent.
How many times do you have to pay the State of New Mexico for the privilege of trying to have a home?
Not until last night when I sat trying to find a resolve did I remember all the previous "permits" that cost hundreds of dollars in 2010. I paid electric permits, plumbing permits, house permits.
My daughter phoned to say that Huckins paid the $450 last week, which would be around or shortly after the 10th deadline. When the money arrives I'll use it to buy the 2x6's that Jesse needs.Having put $9,000 into this trailer, supplies and land in the past few months the $450 a month is the only building fund I have to work with anymore. That is it, the delays are financially draining and physically exhausting me.
I have so little help and the words I heard when I was a member of "Where Is Justice For All" want to make me start singing "Don't it make my brown eyes blue." I was so convinced that these victims, who had gone through the court system long before I met Robert Huckins, just had it wrong. That resolves were not hard to find if you put forth a LOT of effort.
Today I stand outside in the freezing cold looking at the windows of homes where the occupants are warm and comfortable and I question if I will ever have a home, and know the feeling of being secure ever again.
It just seems so far away, and each time I make one step someone else put's up a hurdle that I cannot find a way over, under, or around... or provides manufactured drama to make someone feel that they have the power to undo what others are trying to do.
Members of WIJFA said that when you lose your home, your life, through becoming a victim of fraud you "stop being a human being." People stop talking to you, or treating you like a human being. And they were 100% correct. I was sadly wrong. Naively wrong. Apparently I had not been hurt enough at that point to see truth in all it's ugliness.
I have a home sat there, but can't finish it to get warm. I have seen so much in the past 3+ years. I have seen one person cause the worst mayhem any human being could have been capable of causing. I have seen, with my own eyes, that crime pays. And it's depressing. So depressing.
Someone asked me why I wasn't putting out a plea for licensed mobile home builders. You dare not even seek help to finish the trailer because here in Ruidoso it will turn into a convoluted mess with e-mails being sent that hold not ONE iota of truth. When Suzie tried to find help for me it turned into a "wildfire" of gossip of unbelievable proportions.
In 2010 I read that I:
* Had been offered an RV that could be moved onto my land, but I declined that offer. Simply not true.
* Had property with utilities. Simply not true.
* I ELECTED to have two electric meters. Simply not true.
Otero County Electric Co-Op gave me a price for taking the electric to the land that was simply far too expensive for me. I think it was $6,000. But they said that I would be charged only $3,000 if I had a meter on the barn and a meter on the water well. I could afford the $3,000 but not the $6,000. That is the option Otero County Electric gave me and I accepted.
Because I can't afford the utility poles I do NOT have electricity - even today.
But that scenario suddenly turned into, "Denise DEMANDED two meters."
Amazing.
* Had horses to give away. Simply not true.
I spent an entire night awake, 24 hours straight, trying to locate free horses on the rescue sites trying to provide horses to people who had been offered horses "free" without my knowledge.
* Had said that I wanted to build a home to sell it. Simply not true.
What I DID say, and sent a blank copy of the e-mail to the Ruidoso News newspaper when I responded to it least my words be twisted and contorted, was that IF I obtained a $35,000 loan it would be a short term personal loan that had to be repaid within 12 months so I would be FORCED to sell to repay the loan.
This is only a fraction of what I read about my own situation for the other information is far too libelous for me to even repeat.
I was told that I should file not for profit and use those funds to build a home. The fact that this is illegal didn't seem to be a worrisome in the least. The fact that it would drag board members into illegal activity didn't seem to be a concern.
The person who kept suggesting this didn't even seem to have the capacity to understand that if we, a group of professionals in the horse industry, filed a not-for-profit and used the not-for- profit grants to build a private home we would have TWO mortgages to face - not ONE.
I don't have the acreage for a not-for-profit facility to be based on my land, so it would have to be put on Jan's land or I would have to buy adjacent land. How can you explain to the State of New Mexico that ONE not-for-profit needs TWO different properties, with two different mortgages, to function?
I thought I was going to lose my mind over that, because the person simply refused to understand. That, and the demand for my medical records, almost sent me over the edge. I could do nothing but stammer and cry because I was that stressed out trying to handle the demands - that came within days of a scheduled court date.
Can you imagine having someone say that they are there to help and suddenly they are demanding your medical records, social security number and delving into your taxes ?
I was simply horrified. MORE horrified when the drama extended over a period of time. Somehow a belief had been formulated that Bassell-Haggens, or MHE, was such a scientific revelation that grants etc could be obtained for "local" doctors. That we could become "guinea pigs."
It seemed not to fit into the "reality system" this person resided in to even consider that just perhaps we had medical care, were fairly informed about our own health - thank you. And if you told the medical community that we suffered from Bassel-Haggens disease the reaction just may be, "Yes, we know."
It was drama, drama, drama. And it was drama bordering on insanity.
The most truthful e-mail I ever received was when this person told me that this shouldn't have happened, but they were "bored."
I didn't see any mention of these facts in the e-mail sent from one church member to another ... but there again, this is black and white TRUTH. Why should it be included?
In the latter part of 2009 I kept repeating the same statement over and over again. While drowning in subpoena's, and impending court cases that one would prepare for then watch yet another continuance be granted, my eyes had focused on Dorothy McKeever - an elderly victim who obtained ZERO help. From anyone. Not only the courts, government officials, not from the churches, not from the neighbors, not from Ruidoso. Not ONE person had the common decency or caring to help that little old lady who desperately needed help, to give her a home that was livable after being financially raped by Robert Huckins.
And the reality hit me that I may have to make a choice ... I may NOT be able to retrieve my mothers stolen money AND put this man in jail. If he wasn't put in jail it seemed inevitable that given time he would return to stealing from unsuspecting victims. Given time the spots on this leopard would reappear. I couldn't live with myself if I allowed anyone to go through what I have gone through, what I watched Dorothy go through.
So my stand, trying to protect people like Dorothy, has been "PUT THE MAN IN JAIL!"
I was so distraught about what had happened to Dorothy after she died that when I walked into court in March 2010 and approached the judge I asked to speak ON BEHALF of Dorothy.. because she could no longer speak for herself.
Long before then I was getting phone calls demanding that I accept all monies offered, because people had been told that I didn't WANT the money returned.
Nothing could have been further from the truth.. but this IS Ruidoso, so I would get off the phone shaking my head perplexed at why people gossip so, and twist words to say something totally different than intended.
Many, many times I have said that I have NO idea why I am in Lincoln County, or in New Mexico at all. I wish to God I had never SEEN New Mexico and I love the Sacramento Mountains and Lincoln County heart and soul. I can't imagine living anywhere else.
But when you are simply terrified to ask for help, again, because it MAY cause a maelstrom of lies, deceit, fictional accounts that are so far from the truth you couldn't unravel the malicious nonsense if you spent 20 years trying to do so, I think it's perfectly normal to desire to be somewhere else.I'd like to be somewhere warm right now.
“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.” - Tom Bodett
