Winter arrived packing a substantial punch, by 6 pm last night I was already frozen. The Sierra Blanca had snow yesterday. And, for the first time, the $450 from Robert Huckins arrived in a timely manner so that money can go towards the 2x6's that Jesse needs.
Yesterday was pretty stressful. Trying to locate John, trying to schedule anything that could be done with Jesse.. not getting very far no matter how many phone calls I made biting my nails the entire day.
I know that crying doesn't resolve a thing. But yesterday all I could really do was cry, and I suspect that it going to be hard to stop crying today.
I have so much money tied up in this home and the land. Not only is all going to be lost, but I am no further forward and it's so disheartening.
Nothing makes sense here.
Jesse is the only person who seems to understand or care about the consequences of the situation. He so quickly loses his temper with me, for being faced with a daunting task I will pre-occupy myself with the "cosmetics" of the project.
I know that the very second I say "stucco" it's going to cause a reaction, especially when the real hurdles have been utility poles, heating system, plumbing, electrical, and ROOFS.
His focus has always been on the roof, the structural integrity, and forgetting the cosmetics until all else has been done. The "roof" has always been a big issue with him. Trying to weatherize & protect the investment you have.
But he can't work alone, and neither can he risk his contractors license by working without the permits being cleared and New Mexico Construction Industries Division pacified.
I paid John for enough pipe, that is sat alongside the trailer. I have the roof metal sat on the ground and Jesse has a welder. Perhaps John will surface today and we can get some work done. Praying with diligence that we can get something done today... but it was incredibly cold in the morning.
Sunday afternoon I spent a few hours at the property. The weather turned delightful. Warm, sunny and just gorgeous.
The tarp I put over the holes in the roof of the single wide is torn, flapping around in the wind useless as cover anymore. More water than I expected had soaked into each room of the trailer.
The red tags are STILL on the single wide.
This is so stressful.
Jan is phoning around to see if I can get help with the welding and backhoe work. I'm terrified to even talk to anyone anymore not knowing what lies and nonsense they have been fed - too exhausted to sit and explain black and white facts. It's bloody sad when you have to write a blog just to "set facts straight." Sadly you can't carry the blog around with you.
The deep hurt I felt when I read that e-mail this past spring has now turned into anger this winter.
Unless there is a serious break in the weather combined with some serious help I know that I won't be able to get into that house this winter. I have no idea how to physically survive another winter without being in a home. And until I am in a home I can't earn enough to keep a building project going, a reality that is simply crushing me. Especially in a recession that is hurting everyone.
But I refuse, simply refuse, to accept defeat.
