2012: The Future Awaits, The Struggle Continues

While so many others enjoyed New Years festivities, or celebrated within their own homes. Or slept through it. I sat fully clothed trying to keep warm, watching Tim Pools live stream from NY.
It was a long, restless night and I woke up physically and emotionally drained.

No human being wants this lifestyle, homelessness is so incredibly cruel and inhumane, but when I saw the motto the protestors were using it so fit the life of a homeless person on New Years Day. "The Future Awaits, The Struggle Continues."I rarely make New Years Resolutions, but this year I decided to do just that.

1) This year I am not going to worry myself ill trying to get the utilities onto the land, or trying to renovate what is clearly a lost cause. This doesn't mean that I am not going to try with every ounce of my being to get a home in 2012.
I simply have to find a way to stop the stress and disappointments making me so terribly ill.

2) I keep bumping into Patrica Ogilvie-Huckins in stores and she keeps smiling at me each time she see's me. She did exactly the same in the court room.

I can't read someone's heart so I have no idea why she smiles at me. Homelessness isn't an easy row to hoe. Anyone looking at me can see that this is killing me.

Patrica Ogilvie-Huckins is a little younger than my mother but in far healthier shape, and clearly she is used to the type of grooming and haute couture one wouldn't find in the average blue collar family as ours.

Robert Huckins is my age, but in far healthier shape because he has never been homeless.

Whether right or wrong I take the "smiles" as "smirks" leaving me wondering if she is laughing at us. But I'm wrong doing that because I am using my own family to meter the responses of others.

My mother is about the most honorable woman anyone could wish to meet. There is nothing pretentious about her. I fear God, but I feared my mother a whole lot for she expected, no, she demands honesty and honor ability.

Had I stolen as much as a dollar from one woman, let alone devastated so many women by deliberately victimizing them, she would have beaten me within an inch of my life.

Had my own children set about this path I would have put a stop to it even had I begged the judges to incarcerate them before others were damaged. I would have been simply besides myself, and I wouldn't have allowed any women to be homeless. The victims would have had a profound apology and assistance re-building their lives.

I have never received one iota of an apology.

Because I know what myself, my mother and my own children would do I tend to accept the smiles from Patricia Ogilvia-Huckins as a serious negative. That she is mocking our horrendous dilemma. Or if she knows where all the stolen money is ~ because it clearly has not been spent.

But I have to learn not to pass such judgment because it upsets me so much, and it's wrong. I can't read someone's hearts even if the fruit seems to bear witness. She may be thoroughly innocent of anything except what I think I see.
Follow @DeniseBundy

3) In 2012 I am going to try and restore some hope. After you have spent two years in a criminal court case, and 2 additional years after a guilty plea has been filed you have normally tried everything humanly possible to get into a home. I know that I certainly have. But each attempt is thwarted by the obvious... you can't restore the stolen money and homes cost money.

A point comes when you emotionally give up even while still going through the motions. You have experienced so much brokenness you dare not hope any more. This year I am going to try and regain a guarded belief that it can be done and will be done. Guarded fearing more disappointment.
4) I am going to remind myself each waking hour how blessed I am to know Jesus.

Jehovah Rohi is one of God’s revealed names (Psalm 23:1). By sharing Jehovah Rohi with me, God shows He is my Shepherd and how He has tenderness and cares for me.

God is faithful to keep me. Jesus said,
“I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd gives His life for the sheep.” (John 10:11)

Not only does Jesus nurture me, He sacrifices to help me, as He did on the Cross and how He now does in interceding for me from His throne. He has already prayed for my faith not to fail. This means I have His victory for all I do in Him. He is always thinking about me.

I will have confidence of Jesus’ ever present care, for He also said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

I praise Him that I am complete in Christ, who is the head of all principality and power. (Colossians 2:10) Determine not to know anything except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
(1 Corinthians 2:2)

What I am going to try and allow myself to have in 2012 may save my life, peace, beyond understanding, in circumstances so horrendous no-one can understand.

Today has been a simply gorgeous day. Sunny, crystal blue skies and in the upper 40's. And it's been a slow, quiet day. I drove to TR's early in the am and a young man spent considerable time playing with Gracie in the parking lot. She was so excited and simply delighted to have found a man friend to romp with. The wild horses must have arrived in the middle of the night and left before I woke up, but I am sure they are close by.

Mark Horvath again produced an incredible piece on behalf of myself and thousands more homeless people. In 2012 please add Invisible People to your charity of choice.

http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/

There has to be someone related to Robert &Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back. I am begging anyone in this family for help.

I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none violent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Liam Griffin, I sat in your law office with two witnesses as you gave me your promise, your guarantee, that our money would be returned before harm came to us.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylve Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW, and you knew what your son had done to them and others.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply asked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever, $45,000 from Francis McKinney. The list just goes on and on and on.
Because of Robert Huckins I ended up paying $140,000 to be homeless.. sat in the cold, emotionally, physically and financially broke. In the middle of a recession, with no way to recover the stolen funds.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, please convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home.

Relevant pages:

http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2010/06/shattered-dreams-endless-nightmare.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2010/06/paul-harvey-once-reported-if-you-want.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2010/06/who-is-robert-millard-huckins.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2010/06/so-where-is-money.html
http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2010/06/criminal-defense-attorneys-woes.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2010/06/pen-is-mightier-than-sword.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2011/02/morally-bankrupt.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2011/06/robert-huckins-legal-plea.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2011/07/many-faces-of-abuse.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2011/07/shadow-women.html http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2011/07/price-of-crime.html
http://roberthuckinsvictim.blogspot.com/2011/12/white-nothing-but-white.html
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul; we may preserve it in the midst of the bitterest pain, if our will remains firm and submissive. Peace in this life springs from acquiescence to, not in an exemption from, suffering. ~ Francois de Fenelon

Lunatics In Charge Of The Asylum

Today was a simply gorgeous day. Yesterday had been such an emotionally low point for me that this morning I got out of the shed as early as possible and starting working. The wind had come through this shed with ferocity well into the night while I tried to hide under blankets, cats and dogs.
At sun-up, with beautiful weather greeting me, I decided to get as much done as possible and forget yesterday.

While running errands I managed to buy another fleece lined hoodie, a grey one this time. It came in awful handy when I needed both hoodies during the bitter cold night.

Someone with construction experience contacted me so I sent all the pertinent information about the land, barn and single wide. The conversation turned to laws, legal matters, criminals and life as we know it.
But the reality is, I shouldn't be floundering around homeless trying to find the funds and help to get into a home. Dorothy McKeever had no reason to go though the horror she lived through.

Robert Huckins never spent the money he stole. He has it hidden away while watching women go through veritable nightmares. The more he can hurt women, the more joy he get's from his handiwork. And the victims are powerless to stop him. Because we have the lunatics in charge of the asylum.
There has to be someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back. I am begging anyone in this family for help.

I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none violent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Liam Griffin, I sat in your law office with two witnesses as you gave me your promise, your guarantee, that our money would be returned before harm came to us.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylve Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW, and you knew what your son had done to them and others.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply asked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever, $45,000 from Francis McKinney. The list just goes on and on and on.
Because of Robert Huckins I ended up paying $140,000 to be homeless.. sat in the cold, emotionally, physically and financially broke. In the middle of a recession, with no way to recover the stolen funds.

Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, please convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. ~Mark Twain

Soothing Sound Of Crickets

A migraine started around 6pm that was going to lead me into the "night from hell." The strangest thing about migraines is that sufferers normally try to get hold of them ~ rein them in ~ before they go from bad to severe.

It's a strange process because it's a bit like being in a vehicle that starts to skid out of control and you take all the necessary steps to try and get it back under control. Sometimes your efforts work and the migraine dissipates within a few hours. Sometimes it works but you can only lessen the pain and symptoms. You may be able to stop the tunnel vision by just covering your head with cold wet towels. There are times when the vomiting can be kept under control by simply eating something.

Then there are times when every symptom hits at once, in full force, and nothing you do can stop it, nor decrease the severity. You are in an emotional and physical "rollover." Those can be so bad that you honestly and truly start to pray not for relief.. but you pray to die. That was last night. Until 5 am this morning I just couldn't stand one more second of trying to cope with this type of pain. I lost my eyesight, started vomiting. The shed spun around me. I woke up at 9 am, my stomach feeling like it's been put through a meat grinder while the rest of my body was taking a beating with a baseball bat. The migraine is back to a dull throb.


Through the entire night I kept hearing the crickets chirping away in unison. I used to love the sound of crickets on a warm summer night. I loved life and always had so much enthusiasm and optimism. So many goals, so many dreams. All gone. I don't know what has happened to me while sitting in this shed, but the crickets brought back days gone by when I had a home and creature comforts, no matter how humble. When I awoke each morning so excited to see the sun rise on a new day.


The crickets brought two worlds colliding together. The past and the present. The smell of the mold in the shed, the boxes of my possessions that have been water logged time and time again, pushed over by raccoons and skunk, a disorderly mess in what should be a workshop. The sheer terror of not being able to get this single wide and barn completed. The crickets reminding me of a life that wasn't mired in doubt, frustration, stress and illness.

This is the time of year I should be full of energy and doing what I do best. Instead I'm physically and emotionally drained trying to stop the next migraine. And last night showed that sometimes I don't succeed and fail miserably.

I spoke to Jan long enough to schedule showing the APHA stallion to the representative of the prospective buyer, and discussed offering the Storm Cat filly to an Albuquerque breeder... but as usual, we both forgot about bringing up the topic of getting electricity to my property, so I have no idea if she asked her electrician for advice.

Early in the morning clouds that threaten rain despite the 84 degree heat suddenly burst forth heavy duty hail, then refreshing rain. It dropped from 84 degree's to 64 degrees in less than 2 hours, then rose back to the 80's when the rain stopped. We needed this rain in the worst possible way, praying for more.

Peace, in the sense of the absence of war, is of little value to someone who is dying of hunger or cold. It will not remove the pain of torture inflicted on a prisoner of conscience. It does not comfort those who have lost their loved ones in floods caused by senseless deforestation in a neighboring country. Peace can only last where human rights are respected, where the people are fed, and where individuals and nations are free. ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Whoever Said Winning Isn't Everything

Yesterday was one of those days you wish had never happened. It wasn't that there was more horrific tragedies ... it was a day lost in confusion and pain. It was simply gorgeous weather going into this holiday week-end. The first races of the season started at Ruidoso Downs, and it should have been such a productive day. But it wasn't.

After a bad night I woke up very ill but by noon a migraine had started in earnest as I tried to figure out any method to find help to get this single wide and barn finished, and no matter what I did the migraine was going to get a whole lot worse before it got better.

At the Lazy J Jan and I discussed every single topic under the face of the earth. Marketing horses in an economy that isn't showing any sign of recovery, the state of the economy, the state of the horse industry, life, careers, hopes, dreams, disappointments... and growing old .... but as I drove away I realized that I had not asked her the most important question. "Did she speak to her electrician friend about the problem I have getting electricity to my property?"

I returned back to the shed and managed to pay my insurance policy on the phone late yesterday afternoon before crawling into bed so deathly ill I wanted to scream. By 2 am this morning I was wide awake, but still violently ill with my stomach churning over and tunnel vision.


I know that I have to find a way to get this single wide renovated and electricity onto that land but for the life in me I don't know how.

Another horse died yesterday of EHV-1 and it's causing serious concern for everyone, including myself.

Horse dies from equine herpes virus

Updated: Friday, 27 May 2011, 12:12 PM MDT
Published : Friday, 27 May 2011, 12:04 PM MDT

LAS CRUCES (KRQE) - A Bernalillo County horse died Thursday from a dangerous and spreading viral disease that now appears to have infected a horse in Torrance County, the New Mexico Department of Agriculture reported Friday.

“Two horses in central New Mexico have died from the virus. One horse in Lea County has recovered and two in the state are still ill,” State Veterinarian Dr. Dave Fly said in a statement released by NMDA. “All cases being reported involve horses already placed in one of the three quarantined facilities we have in the state.”

The outbreak of equine herpes virus EHV-1 and equine herpes virus myeloencephalopathy EHM is believed to have started with horses that attended the National Cutting Horse Association Championships in Ogden, Utah, earlier this month. A tot

Fifteen horses from New Mexico attended the show.

“Although the horses that attended the show have been quarantined for several days, there is still a threat of secondary exposures that may have occurred at other events or by horses that have not yet been identified,” Fly said. “We believe that an additional seven to 10 days is needed before normal equine movement is recommended.”

Horse owners in New Mexico have been urged to limit travel to help limit exposure. The New Mexico Livestock Board also recommends that major or large equine events be canceled for the next ten days.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture reports the number of cases of the virus more than doubled over the last week to 75 confirmed cases. Eleven horses have been euthanized and another 17 show symptoms of the neurological problems that often lead to death, according to USDA.

And when you don't believe that anymore heartbreak can shake your foundation, yet another story just takes hold of your heart and doesn't let go..

Children orphaned by tornadoes carry on, and grieve

PHIL CAMPBELL, Alabama (Reuters) - Five-year-old Garrett LeClere survived the devastating twister that struck Phil Campbell, Alabama on April 27 with two broken arms and a fractured skull.
His parents did not make it. Rescuers searched for a day before finding the bodies of Jay and Amy LeClere beneath the rubble of their home.

"They are with Jesus," Garrett told Reuters this week.

Many children lost loved ones in the killer tornadoes that carved up 610 miles of Alabama last month and left 238 dead. Though there is no official state count, a Reuters review of storms victims' obituaries found that at least eight young people were completely orphaned.

For those children, it will take years to process their experience and realign with their new normal, experts said.

"The trauma is deep. The wound is deep. Being orphaned is what we call a forever loss," Dr. Jane Aronson, Chief Executive of Worldwide Orphans Foundation, said on Friday.

"You cannot tell them when to heal, and that can take a very long time."

Fundraising efforts are underway in St. Clair County, Alabama, to help three sisters who lost their parents and other relatives in a twister there.

Cicely Sanders, a 21-year-old college student, plans to care for her younger sisters, ages 14 and 18, said Kandy Smith, a retired teacher leading the effort to raise money.

The 18-year-old Sanders daughter remains hospitalized with a shattered pelvis.

Cicely "says a house isn't a home without a mom and dad, but is holding up her head and doing her best," Smith said.

'THEY WASTED THEIR LIVES'

Young disaster survivors often gain compassion and a higher level of moral development, said Andy McNiel, executive director of the Children's Hospital's Amelia Center in Birmingham, which specializes in trauma counseling.

But they are at a high risk for drug abuse, promiscuity and mental illness down the road if they do not properly work through their grief, McNiel said.

"Children are keen observers but poor interpreters, and there is no snake oil to take away grief," he said.

Guilt is common, though some children do not quickly express their feelings.

Young Garrett LeClere does.

"I feel sorry for my parents," he said. "They wasted their lives saving me."

There was room enough in the family bathtub for only Garrett and his sister to weather the storm in Phil Campbell. The boy remembers the tub spinning and being lifted before he landed hard 200 yards from his leveled home.

"I heard myself scream really loud. The hurt was really painful," he said.

His screams saved his life. A volunteer fire chief found Garrett covered in blood and mud and carried him in the back of a pickup to a hospital, where he remained for eight days.

Jeff McCormick, another volunteer fireman and the father of Garrett's two half-siblings, heard rumors of a rescued 5-year-old John Doe when he arrived at the LeClere home to assist in the search for his injured daughter, ex-wife and her husband.

With some persistence, he cracked through privacy laws to locate Garrett and obtained a court order to become legal guardian of the blue-eyed, blonde-haired boy.

McCormick, a truck driver, and his current wife have taken off work since the storm to care for Garrett. In his new home last week, the child played with a new brother, hardly slowed by the blue casts on his arms.

His 13-year-old sister watched nearby, the storm scars on her face and arms still visible. She had delivered the news to Garrett about his parents.

"He is doing real good," McCormick said. "He has his moments where he will break down and cry for 15 minutes. He takes comfort in thinking Jesus needed more angels, and his parents are looking out for him from heaven."

Out of the ashes of misery, a little hope emerges..

Pup With Broken Legs Crawls Home After Surviving Tornado

A puppy crawled home with two broken legs after being thrown high into the air by a tornado that ripped through Alabama.

Mason, a terrier mix, was feared dead after the storm but was found two weeks later by his owners in the wreckage of their home.

"This is probably the most dramatic we've seen as far as an injury in an animal that's survived this long," said Phil Doster at Birmingham Jefferson County Animal Control shelter, who is caring for Mason following surgery. The shelter has dealt with hundreds of pets hurt by the storms.

"For an animal just to show up on someone's porch after this time was pretty remarkable, especially with the condition he's in."

Mason has become a minor celebrity, and has a Facebook page with more than 1,200 friends.

I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death. Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying. ~ - George Bird Evans

2011: Minus 3

The first day of 2011 certainly started out in style as we moved from Arctic conditions to frozen tundra. It is now 3 below zero.
Yesterday I spent most of the evening trying to find any source of heat that wouldn't blow the fuses in the shed and house. Nor set a fire inside this shed, part of which is used to store gas, diesel and flammables, part of which has hay and saddles, plus a majority of my boxed and packed belongings. Or cause an explosion.
I finally, after hours of playing with a tiny little heater, managed to get it to work for short periods of time IF I turn off everything else which uses electricity. It isn't suitable for heating, but it is so welcome as a foot warmer in minus 3 degree temperatures.

That tiny heater, small enough to put your feet on and stop them from freezing on the bare concrete has been the source of untold amusement throughout the evening and early morning. Copper, who had previously been MY source of heat, decided that the small heater was her source of heat.

There is a certain "sadness" about hounds. Even when the tail is wagging, the eyes remain almost pitiful. So when she sat her 65-70 lbs down adjacent to that heater and started to cling onto it as though her life depended upon it there really wasn't much I could do to move her.

We are both agreeing, in our different ways, that this is a wicked situation.

Wild critters, raccoons and skunk, have found their way into the shop part of the shed and have burrowed through my boxes seeking warmth, sending everything crashing down. Tom & Suzie helped box everything and move it all from the green shed, to this shed and tom stacked it all so neatly. But the constant flooding weakened the lower boxes and the wildlife finished it all off. If a fire started I would have a difficult time getting out.

Last winter I would bundle the dogs into the truck, drive to the opposite side of the shed away from view and let the truck run all night with the heater going, sleeping inside the truck. But the truck is on it's last legs and I don't dare run it for prolonged periods. It's a hope and a prayer just using it for local transportation. And I am now too close to residences to have a diesel truck clattering away all night so close to bedroom windows.

So this winter it's been "critter power" alone until one of the critters became a traitor and is happily hanging onto the one tiny little heater that is just big enough for her and her alone.
3 degree's below... whatever happened to 66 degrees in December?

I want to be able to smile today. I want to be able to overcome this. But each time I blink tears run down my face, and I don't seem to be able to stop crying even if it's subconsciously. Yet I KEEP trying to face 2011 with as much courage as I can muster.

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past. ~Henry Ward Beecher