Sunday, December 19, 2010

One Is The Loneliest Number

Getting through the Christmas holidays is so much harder than I ever anticipated. Emotionally I am so drained, and keeping any hope of having a home seems so far removed from reality. The migraines have become so bad I just don't seem to be able to focus.

The snow started to melt yesterday, and was replaced by... mud. A lot of it. It wasn't long before muddy paws were all over the bed and inside the truck. Despite being a bit chilly the weather was terribly nice for December. Still, I didn't stay outside. I just wanted to hide from the world. Curl up into a ball and make everything disappear.

My boss bought a roping horse, so early this morning I started moving boxed belongings to one corner of the stall hoping that I could safely panel that area.

England is getting beaten something unbelievable at a time when the British government has brought in a 20% increase in VAT (tax). The fact that I am sat here with my mothers money missing, when she should have been able to spend Christmas with her family, is simply mortifying me.

Each day I get closer and closer to the reality of never seeing my mother alive - ever again.

Everything seems to be held by a delicate thread, and all the efforts I made to get through this winter seem to have been weighed down with more circumstances beyond my control.

Instead of trying to face the world with a forced smile and lighthearted jokes I no longer want to face anyone. Hiding the stress and pain is just too much.

“When we truly realize that we are all alone is when we need others the most” - Ronald Anthony