Sunday, October 31, 2010

My Self Esteem Went Into The Loo!


I have always been the type of person who loved to make silk purses out of sows ears. But people who profess such have normally acquired the skills to renovate and restore items to former glory.

The wooden and glass exterior door is the perfect example. Restored it will be simply gorgeous. As good, if not better, than a new $500 door. Like my mother I'm a stickler for "quality." If I am forced to renovate a single wide I am going to approach it as I would a frame house and make sure that everything used is the best quality available.
The rotten "chipboard" bathroom cabinets are being replaced with outstanding quality oak cabinets. The broken windows were replaced with double glazing. The new range/oven is simply gorgeous, brand new black and silver that should have retailed for over $800. I got it almost free. The upgrading has always been a priority.

Of course, I see things very simplistically. Throughout the past three years I kept saying, "IF I could find an old building or trailer I could renovate it" but I had NO idea the types of rules and regulations the state impose on people.

I have watched beautiful 2,000 sq foot homes emerge from what started out as single wides. What has happened to our society where that is difficult to do anymore?

I kept being told that there was "something wrong with my self esteem" if I would even consider a modular or mobile. I thought that was a pretty daft statement. There was, I felt, nothing wrong with my self esteem. I was simply using common sense. But after yesterday... well maybe the "backhoe woman" was correct. Perhaps I SHOULD question my self esteem.


I needed a lavatory. The old one is the green of the 70's and nasty. The Humane Society thrift store had toilets without all of the parts, and finding the parts would be as costly as buying a new lavatory. I didn't have the funds to buy a new lavatory.

So I put aside the need and concentrated on other items. Specifically the roof, flooring, and windows to "dry in." Then the electric poles. Then the counter tops, kitchen cabinets, exterior stucco and interior sheet rock. The list is so long in this "total" renovation project the lavatory started to drop down the "wish list" until it became the very last thing I could worry about.

So what do you do when you see a fairly new lavatory sat outside the dumpster that clearly came from a renovation? Do you sneak back and try to grab it before someone see's you? Or keep driving out of sheer embarrassment?

I'll have to admit that my level of embarrassment peaked to a new level when faced with the dilemma yesterday. I drove past thinking, "I just can't stop, this is way too much." But then I had a change of heart and considered that getting anything on that wish list was progress, and I needed to consider the finances, or lack of.

Getting the lavatory into the truck was an art unto itself. The "art" was trying to make sure that you seemed to be UN-loading it to all who drove past, and stopping yourself from turning beet red in the process. Yesterday I found out that "necessity really IS the mother of invention."

Thank God there wasn't a matching bath tub!

'Mater artium necessitas' - William Horman

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers,That Perches In The Soul


I'm back to having a semblance of hope that I will have a home in the not too distant future. I found a beautiful used wooden/glass door with jam/frame that may be ideal for the back door. It really is a fabulous door that would cost a fraction of what I paid for the front door. And perhaps an already set up utility pole. If I can buy it before someone else gets to it that will be one down and one to go.

The weather is simply gorgeous, with a high of 69-70 and it should remain so well into next week.

Yesterday an old friend found me on Facebook. She relocated from Montana to New Mexico and promptly had ALL of her savings embezzled by a real estate agent, and returned to Montana 2 years ago.There should be laws to protect people from thieves, people shouldn't be forced to live in a lawless society. But we seem to be moving further and further away from victim rights.
Listening to her story really made my heart ache. It's wrong to steal people's dreams, it's wrong to leave them homeless. It makes no difference how long people get away with stealing it will catch up on them and justice will be gained. "Eternity" should be a terrifying thought to some.

I have two dogs. Both rescue's.

My oldest daughter found "Rio" wondering through the Wal-Mart parking lot when she could hardly be 6 weeks old. The very second I arrived at the Lazy J Running TB & QH Ranch with Rio Jan recognized that pup.

Jan has spend 45 years or more breeding and training hunting dogs, and is one of the best dog (show) groomers I have ever met. Mike is an AKC Field Trial judge. Jan immediately told me that Rio was out of a champion short haired pointer that they knew very well, but the father was suspected to be a pit bull that lived in the area.
Rio's hunting instinct is acute. She is an athletic but still in the giddy pup stage of life. I always say that she acts as though she needs a heavy dose of valium to settle her down.

"Copper" is a simply gorgeous gold and white hound who is, in conformation, picture perfect. Like Rio she has been in the family since she was 6 weeks old. She and my grand-children were raised together. Living in the village she found living in a fenced yard intolerable and soon started to jump the fence, or dig under it, whenever everyone was at work. It became a daily "walkabouts" for her and problematic for my family.

Even as a tiny puppy she was enamored with me, and would hang onto my shirt tail each time I house sat for my daughter, or babysat my grand-children. I took her to retrain and it's been an absolute blessing. I have never regretted it.
No longer does she flee, or try to go walkabouts, but remains steadfast watching me and the truck she has claimed as her territory.
Her bay is so deep that she can terrify someone without any knowledge of dogs, but it's a lot of noise and no substance. UNLESS she doesn't like you.

They are delightful dogs that everyone within the professional horse and dog industry sincerely love and appreciate. The two dogs simply adore Jan, they worshiped Macky, Tom, Suzie and they can see no further than John Boyd. When John drives up they almost jump out of their skin with excitement. But I have become the focus of their devotion. If anyone is a threat to me they will react instinctively, and I have learned to not discount their wisdom. If they don't like someone I should beware.

As Jan say's, "Smart girls.. listen to them."

My daughter and son-in-law recently acquired a new home because the owners dog adored them, but didn't like the other person interested in the house. The owner frankly announced that if her dog disliked someone that was a warning sign.

Shortly after Oscar was killed Rio & Copper started breaking out in a skin condition. Jan looked at Rio on Thursday, and we have gone through every possible medical explanation without finding an answer. Is it poison? Is it an allergy?

I phoned Jan early this morning because it's starting to seriously worry me. After a hilarious 30 minute conversation in which neither one of us could recall the name of a specific medication she offered to go to Ruidoso and pick it up.
It's an "age" thing. Memory doesn't always serve us well.

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience. ~Woodrow Wilson

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Best Laid Schemes Of Mice And Men

There are times when you really have no idea where to start.

John say's that he is coming to start on the renovations Monday having been forced to take accrued vacation time from his place of employment. I am soooo thankful.

There is so much to do and so little finances. The $450 per month restitution the courts are making Robert Huckins pay would be almost laughable if not for the stark reality that victims like Dorothy McKeever, John Boyd, Jesse Gordiola and so many more received not a dime in restitution.
So I am blessed, as bitter sweet a situation as this is, for each $450 I am returned is a blessing others couldn't obtain. But I am still working full time under an agreement to work off the cost of the electricity, so my income has been zero since July.

I phoned Nosker to see if he had utility poles. He did, for $90 each, but they were not set up for electricity. They were simply the bare poles. I can't afford to pay the price Foxworth is asking for the set up poles, nor hire an electrician at this point in time, so I have hit a brick wall getting the electricity turned on until I can come up with the $3,000+ funds.

Without electricity we can't get the well pumping water and it makes everything extra difficult.

Having spoken to the head of the mobile home division of CID I am waiting for the permit application to be e-mailed to me.

I have enough money for Jesse to get the 70 2x6's, but nothing left over. So our focus has gone onto the leaking windows of the trailer. Getting the new (used) windows in. Pouring the concrete footings for the barn roof, which will take 50-60 bags of ready mix concrete. Prayerfully I can find the funds to cover that purchase and get that concrete poured and set before it starts to freeze.

Having been delayed for weeks I want to hit the ground running and get this property finished and livable, but the finances demand a walking pace...

I still need to find a glass patio door, a bathroom suite, (bath/shower and toilet) and a load of 4x4's to hang gates on and I need kitchen cabinets. I need tons of sheet rock, plaster, tiles, paint and so much more.

Up until now I have used Craigslist to find used material and supplies, and have been very successful ... but I'm unsure if I want to do that anymore. I will certainly not put MY phone number on any ad. again.

Those who use Craigslist on a regular basis know that the computer system is designed to accept an ad. only if you place a denomination in. When you have an entire list of items that you need to purchase instead of having items for sale, that can be very difficult. So you simply place a 1 so that a denomination is recognized by the Craigslist system, and your ad. is accepted.

The last ad. I placed was on September 16th, well over a month ago. I placed it on the Roswell, New Mexico, Craigslist and during the first week sellers had contacted me with items that I needed. In fact I purchased everything I needed with the exception of the two utility poles that I needed to get the electricity to the property. The pressure tank was a wonderful find, that came from that ad.
After purchasing the items I forgot all about the ad.

Two days ago the "backhoe" woman found the old ad. and I received a spitting venom e-mail telling me that I needed to re-write the ad because no-one was going to respond.

This is way beyond obsession, way beyond bullying or demeaning.
It's really worn me down throughout the past year or so for so much of the behavior and actions have ripped into my heart. It has caused such serious damage and so much chaos.
Someone perpetually kicking at you and causing drama when you are in such a bad situation is hard to take.

But this instance brought a smile to my face.

I have a golden rule that I never respond to anyone until I am calm and polite, least I say hateful things out of frustration. That is in person, or in written form. I try not to open my mouth unless I have an understanding forgiving heart, and I will walk the opposite direction from someone if I think my words are going to be said in anger.

This past 3 years has REALLY tested me and quite a few times I have had to walk away and beat my head up against a wall to stop from reacting to viciousness with viciousness, frustration with frustration, anger with anger..

So I got my wits together and sent a very polite and very simplistic "thank you" e-mail back from the e-mail address I used to post the ad. The next morning I checked that particular e-mail address and, upon re-reading my response, I realized that I had set up that account in a false name because I continually use it for advertising on-line for my boss.

I wonder what it felt like getting an e-mail from a total stranger, whose name you don't recognize, thanking you for an e-mail that was ( as usual ) critical, condemning and sarcastic with the intent to bully?

What I wouldn't have given to be a fly on the wall..
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, Gang aft agley, An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, For promis'd joy! - Robert Burns

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Back On Track...




23 degree's this morning but fabulous weather forecast for later today. The pneumonia that has plagued me is easing up a bit. At least I can speak more clearly than I have been able to in a long time.

With everything "back on track" I am anxious to get working on this house and barn without any undue delays. I know that getting into a home by Christmas is no longer possible. I have sung the song, "I'll be home by Christmas" for 3 winters and this 4th winter is not going to see it materialize.

But, I may be home by spring if we can just get enough help and no more boulders roll into the path.

I told Jesse that if he can get around to helping me, I will get out of the way and let him put the roof on the trailer he wants to put on. The correct "house roof" one would put on a framed house. It means somehow trying to come up with the 70 2x6's instead of using the pipe and sheet metal. But God is going to have to find a way to meet that need.

John said that he will come back and help.. perhaps he will. If he did it certainly would be a blessing. We could use the pipe I purchased weeks ago to put a roof over the horse barn.

I would appreciate all prayers. This has been a really a stressful roller coaster ride but I know that God can straighten this path and smooth the way. We have had way too many hurdles and it's been exhausting, expensive & delaying. I am so grateful for those who became involved because they truly wanted to help..

Jesse Gordiola actually built my barn, and did an awesome job. In fact he is the only licensed subcontractor who worked for Robert Huckins on my land. Both John and Jesse are victims of Robert Huckins. Both were paid for their work with hot checks and the monies never recovered.
No charges were brought against Robert Huckins even though the amounts of monies Jesse and John lost would have been felony charges. These were not small amounts of money by any stretch of the imagination.

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” - Albert Einstein

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Rocky Mountain Horror Show


I can hardly believe that this is the last week of October. What a totally insane 3+ years this has been. I'm unsure that I can even face another one. Come quickly Jesus - please.

I spent hours last night STILL trying to find the new construction industries division laws pertaining to mobile homes without any success. But the more I read on the New Mexico web site the more I wondered if this was a new Federal, not State, law. Perhaps something to do with HUD?

At least it's the right time of year to be trying to plow through government regulations .. the time of the witches and warlocks, zombies, ghosts and "horror shows."

The longer I tried to download pdf files the more ill I became, and the pneumonia just keeps sending my body from raging fever to freezing cold. By the time I had finished I had a migraine that remained with me all night.

Yesterday the Thoroughbred Times e-mailed me to see what stallions and facilities I wanted included in the 2011 stallion directory.
So many stallions brought in from Kentucky 4 years ago have been gelded in the past 12 months - due to this shocking economy.

But that gave me the opportunity to phone Jan and see if anyone had been hired to take a backhoe and straighten out the mess in my barn, before I lose the entire structure.
They hadn't, so I guess all the dirt is going to have to be put back over the footings by hand.
Joy, oh, joy.

My boss said that Nosker may have utility poles. I will phone Dennis today and see if he has two poles so I can get the electricity working.

I have given up on John, and Jesse may have given up on me. Trying to get this CID mess sorted out is an absolute nightmare and I have no idea how to handle it or resolve it.

Some friends keep telling me to finish the trailer no matter what, protect my investment. But where would I find the people to help? I wouldn't ask Jesse to work in direct disobedience to a CID ruling. I have always adhered to laws closely and rarely will I deliberately set out to break a law, outside of going over the speed limit.
But this sure has been tempting.

I get angry enough to make the decision to dry in that trailer with a "to hell with them" attitude, but after calming down I really don't have the taste for breaking laws and would prefer not to have to do so.

A phone call to an Albuquerque mobile home dealer yesterday brought forth another possible way to resolve the situation. The gentleman said that I could throw it back onto axles and wheels and it was no longer "real" property. It was no longer under CID jurisdiction because it was now classified as a "moving vehicle."

I'm a woman alone. I can't even find utility poles let alone trailer axles. I can't even get anyone to get that dirt back onto the footings of the barn let alone put a trailer back onto axles and wheels. "Throw" it back onto axles seems so simplistic doesn't it?

This all seems so bloody un-necessary, and so malevolent.

At 3.30 pm I received word from CID in Santa Fe that I could commence renovating the trailer - with no problems. I need to apply for permits, so they can inspect it as it is being rebuilt, which is understandable. I am just delighted, but ??????? was I shut down for 4+ weeks?
What happened to the laws that the inspector quoted who red tagged me?

Perhaps I should be curious but I am really not.. I just thank God that the green light has been given and work can continue...

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.” -Thucydides

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death

The weather yesterday was about as wild as it get's with 40-50 mph gale force winds for a 24 hour stretch. Garden furniture and everything not tied down became flying obstacles and the wind chill was simply awful. But the weather tomorrow is supposed to drop below zero.

Fun, fun, fun.

Yesterday it became fairly apparent that trying to get a CID homeowners renovation permit was neither going to be easy, nor expedient. Every route was leading to a brick wall. But hope had certainly not faded - and anger was becoming a motivating factor.

I am still trying to find the new written law without any success. Without adequate internet connection searches become difficult.

Not being able to actually read the law I am having to assume that what I am being told by various government agencies is correct.

This particular bill seems to mean that owners of land, who use a mobile home as a "starter" home can no longer do any renovations or modifications to that property unless they hire an engineer and licensed contractor who specializes in mobile homes.
You break a window and would like to replace it with a window slightly larger or smaller.. no can do. You want to stucco the outside, put new siding on it, build a deck, put in a new door, lay a concrete patio... you simply can't.

Unless you can afford the expense of an engineer and licensed contractor, and apply for "permits" for every single thing done. It's my understanding that the "permit" to build a roof is a totally different "permit" than that to replace the windows.

In a time of serious recession when home foreclosures are at an all time high this legislative move seems almost asinine.

For myself, mid-construction and desperately trying to get into the house by winter, desperately trying to get a new roof over the trailer to protect my investment from the elements it's tantamount to telling me that I cannot have a home on land I own - free and clear - because I cannot afford to hire a licensed contractor who has a mobile home license.

I know of NO contractor who is going to run out and obtain a special mobile home license. I know a LOT of contractors who will simply refuse to work on mobile homes.

When I started this project out of absolute necessity due to an inept judicial system it was with the very best building material available.. no corners were cut. You look at it and know that this has not been inexpensive.

But the new law is nothing above and beyond extortion.

Extortion during a recession is cruel and inhumane.

During a lengthy conversation with a loan institute yesterday I was told that the bill was promoted by the lobby groups for the mortgage/loan institutions but I can find nothing to verify that fact. His explanation sounded very plausible.

Far more plausible than the "it's for your protection" excuse that CID give while I sit freezing cold, watching everything get waterlogged forbidden by CID to protect my home, while we are watching the "Crossing" and a new mall collapse and show such serious building defects under CID guidance. Can you hear me singing "don't it make my brown eyes blue?"

In 2010 I PAID the State of New Mexico Construction Industries Division for the "right" to put plumbing in the barn. I PAID them for the right to dry in the barn. I PAID them for the right to put a roof on the barn. In previous years I PAID them for the right to have a water well, a septic, and electricity.

How MANY times do I have to PAY the State of New Mexico Construction Industries Division when it becomes clearly evident that this course of action has been the result of criminal activity not design?

I can see that this is going to be an uphill battle. No more and no less than the uphill battle I had trying to get any law enforcement agency to protect clients of Robert Huckins. Trying to get those paid to protect and serve to actually protect and serve.

Or the uphill battle I had trying to get the DA in the 12th District to file criminal charges when those paid to protect and serve simply stood twiddling their thumbs when Robert Huckins walked into the bank, withdrew $115,000 and was given the opportunity to walk away only to hide my mothers money even though he had been arrested twice for felony fraud & embezzlement and was due to be arrested for the third time.

Or the battle just trying to get this case through the court system.

I'm tired of uphill battles. I am so exhausted and this is so demoralizing.

The State of New Mexico is so wrong on so many levels that it makes a total mockery of the phrase, "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow. -Gilbert Chesterton

Monday, October 25, 2010

Land Of Entrapment Calls YOU!


5 of the most gorgeous acres available in Lincoln County, New Mexico. The solitude and tranquility offered with this piece of property would give security to the most discriminating buyer if isolation is your goal.


*Are you the head of a group under FBI watch?
*Do you have a radical group that needs a training facility?
*Are you involved in activity where privacy is essential?
*Are you embezzling huge amounts of money or would you like to embezzle huge amounts of money?
*Are you presently active in criminal activity or would you LIKE to become active in criminal activity in a location where one can go undetected, or receive minimal penalties if caught?

One and a half hour from an international border, 20 minutes from a regional airport. Adjacent to State of New Mexico owned land, walking distance into millions of acres of secluded wilderness terrain that could be used for training exercises as long as the participants obtain a RECREATION permit. Ample room for expansion on this heavily treed Sacramento Mountain land which offers views of the Capitan, Sierra Blanca AND Nogal Peak.

Staunch Second Amendment community where people truly believe in the right to bear arms but don't have any real hope for law and order or justice for REAL criminals are totally ignored so the powers that be can criminalize law abiding citizens.

Yes, THIS is the good old American way, the way of the Wild, Wild, West..

Isn't it GREAT!

New Mexico, the Land of Entrapment, Welcomes YOU!

End of problem!

Disclaimer: The Surgeon General of the United States has issued THIS warning. The State of New Mexico is detrimental to one's moral integrity, sense of righteousness , honesty, honor ability and common sense. If you possess any of these characteristics relocating to the State of New Mexico may cause serious harm.

Don't vote, it only encourages them. ~Author Unknown

Sunday, October 24, 2010

So Close, Yet So Far Away....


Winter arrived packing a substantial punch, by 6 pm last night I was already frozen. The Sierra Blanca had snow yesterday. And, for the first time, the $450 from Robert Huckins arrived in a timely manner so that money can go towards the 2x6's that Jesse needs.

Yesterday was pretty stressful. Trying to locate John, trying to schedule anything that could be done with Jesse.. not getting very far no matter how many phone calls I made biting my nails the entire day.

I know that crying doesn't resolve a thing. But yesterday all I could really do was cry, and I suspect that it going to be hard to stop crying today.

I have so much money tied up in this home and the land. Not only is all going to be lost, but I am no further forward and it's so disheartening.

Nothing makes sense here.

Jesse is the only person who seems to understand or care about the consequences of the situation. He so quickly loses his temper with me, for being faced with a daunting task I will pre-occupy myself with the "cosmetics" of the project.
I know that the very second I say "stucco" it's going to cause a reaction, especially when the real hurdles have been utility poles, heating system, plumbing, electrical, and ROOFS.

His focus has always been on the roof, the structural integrity, and forgetting the cosmetics until all else has been done. The "roof" has always been a big issue with him. Trying to weatherize & protect the investment you have.

But he can't work alone, and neither can he risk his contractors license by working without the permits being cleared and New Mexico Construction Industries Division pacified.

I paid John for enough pipe, that is sat alongside the trailer. I have the roof metal sat on the ground and Jesse has a welder. Perhaps John will surface today and we can get some work done. Praying with diligence that we can get something done today... but it was incredibly cold in the morning.

Sunday afternoon I spent a few hours at the property. The weather turned delightful. Warm, sunny and just gorgeous.
The tarp I put over the holes in the roof of the single wide is torn, flapping around in the wind useless as cover anymore. More water than I expected had soaked into each room of the trailer.
The red tags are STILL on the single wide.
This is so stressful.

Jan is phoning around to see if I can get help with the welding and backhoe work. I'm terrified to even talk to anyone anymore not knowing what lies and nonsense they have been fed - too exhausted to sit and explain black and white facts. It's bloody sad when you have to write a blog just to "set facts straight." Sadly you can't carry the blog around with you.
The deep hurt I felt when I read that e-mail this past spring has now turned into anger this winter.

Unless there is a serious break in the weather combined with some serious help I know that I won't be able to get into that house this winter. I have no idea how to physically survive another winter without being in a home. And until I am in a home I can't earn enough to keep a building project going, a reality that is simply crushing me. Especially in a recession that is hurting everyone.
But I refuse, simply refuse, to accept defeat.

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.”- Tom Krause

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Trying To Put The Puzzle Pieces Together...

Simply freezing cold this morning, and I am having an awful time trying to get warm. I have been trying to get hold of John to see if he is bringing the welder, or coming to Ruidoso at all, but he doesn't answer his phone so I have no idea what to tell Jesse.

Jesse is going to California for two week so he was nervous about trying to get the permits and locate John so we could start doing something before he leaves. Everything seems so topsy turvey
.

A four week "red tag" shut down with no relief in sight puts everything in such a precarious situation, when we were already faced with incredible difficulties.

And the weather is just getting colder. It won't be long before the ground is frozen and weather impedes any progress.

Having sent them the engineers report via e-mail I had to tell Senator Adairs office that I have to try and get a roof on that barn and house with or without the blessing of the State of New Mexico. I have paid for so many "permits" in the past 18 months that I feel like I could file the State of New Mexico as a dependent.
How many times do you have to pay the State of New Mexico for the privilege of trying to have a home?

Not until last night when I sat trying to find a resolve did I remember all the previous "permits" that cost hundreds of dollars in 2010. I paid electric permits, plumbing permits, house permits.
My daughter phoned to say that Huckins paid the $450 last week, which would be around or shortly after the 10th deadline. When the money arrives I'll use it to buy the 2x6's that Jesse needs.
Having put $9,000 into this trailer, supplies and land in the past few months the $450 a month is the only building fund I have to work with anymore. That is it, the delays are financially draining and physically exhausting me.

I have so little help and the words I heard when I was a member of "Where Is Justice For All" want to make me start singing "Don't it make my brown eyes blue." I was so convinced that these victims, who had gone through the court system long before I met Robert Huckins, just had it wrong. That resolves were not hard to find if you put forth a LOT of effort.

Today I stand outside in the freezing cold looking at the windows of homes where the occupants are warm and comfortable and I question if I will ever have a home, and know the feeling of being secure ever again.
It just seems so far away, and each time I make one step someone else put's up a hurdle that I cannot find a way over, under, or around... or provides manufactured drama to make someone feel that they have the power to undo what others are trying to do.

Members of WIJFA said that when you lose your home, your life, through becoming a victim of fraud you "stop being a human being." People stop talking to you, or treating you like a human being. And they were 100% correct. I was sadly wrong. Naively wrong. Apparently I had not been hurt enough at that point to see truth in all it's ugliness.

I have a home sat there, but can't finish it to get warm. I have seen so much in the past 3+ years. I have seen one person cause the worst mayhem any human being could have been capable of causing. I have seen, with my own eyes, that crime pays. And it's depressing. So depressing.

Someone asked me why I wasn't putting out a plea for licensed mobile home builders. You dare not even seek help to finish the trailer because here in Ruidoso it will turn into a convoluted mess with e-mails being sent that hold not ONE iota of truth. When Suzie tried to find help for me it turned into a "wildfire" of gossip of unbelievable proportions.

In 2010 I read that I:

* Had been offered an RV that could be moved onto my land, but I declined that offer. Simply not true.

* Had property with utilities. Simply not true.

* I ELECTED to have two electric meters. Simply not true.

Otero County Electric Co-Op gave me a price for taking the electric to the land that was simply far too expensive for me. I think it was $6,000. But they said that I would be charged only $3,000 if I had a meter on the barn and a meter on the water well. I could afford the $3,000 but not the $6,000. That is the option Otero County Electric gave me and I accepted.
Because I can't afford the utility poles I do NOT have electricity - even today.

But that scenario suddenly turned into, "Denise DEMANDED two meters."

Amazing.

* Had horses to give away. Simply not true.

I spent an entire night awake, 24 hours straight, trying to locate free horses on the rescue sites trying to provide horses to people who had been offered horses "free" without my knowledge.

* Had said that I wanted to build a home to sell it. Simply not true.

What I DID say, and sent a blank copy of the e-mail to the Ruidoso News newspaper when I responded to it least my words be twisted and contorted, was that IF I obtained a $35,000 loan it would be a short term personal loan that had to be repaid within 12 months so I would be FORCED to sell to repay the loan.

This is only a fraction of what I read about my own situation for the other information is far too libelous for me to even repeat.

I was told that I should file not for profit and use those funds to build a home. The fact that this is illegal didn't seem to be a worrisome in the least. The fact that it would drag board members into illegal activity didn't seem to be a concern.

The person who kept suggesting this didn't even seem to have the capacity to understand that if we, a group of professionals in the horse industry, filed a not-for-profit and used the not-for- profit grants to build a private home we would have TWO mortgages to face - not ONE.
I don't have the acreage for a not-for-profit facility to be based on my land, so it would have to be put on Jan's land or I would have to buy adjacent land. How can you explain to the State of New Mexico that ONE not-for-profit needs TWO different properties, with two different mortgages, to function?

I thought I was going to lose my mind over that, because the person simply refused to understand. That, and the demand for my medical records, almost sent me over the edge. I could do nothing but stammer and cry because I was that stressed out trying to handle the demands - that came within days of a scheduled court date.

Can you imagine having someone say that they are there to help and suddenly they are demanding your medical records, social security number and delving into your taxes ?

I was simply horrified. MORE horrified when the drama extended over a period of time. Somehow a belief had been formulated that Bassell-Haggens, or MHE, was such a scientific revelation that grants etc could be obtained for "local" doctors. That we could become "guinea pigs."
It seemed not to fit into the "reality system" this person resided in to even consider that just perhaps we had medical care, were fairly informed about our own health - thank you. And if you told the medical community that we suffered from Bassel-Haggens disease the reaction just may be, "Yes, we know."
It was drama, drama, drama. And it was drama bordering on insanity.

The most truthful e-mail I ever received was when this person told me that this shouldn't have happened, but they were "bored."
I didn't see any mention of these facts in the e-mail sent from one church member to another ... but there again, this is black and white TRUTH. Why should it be included?

In the latter part of 2009 I kept repeating the same statement over and over again. While drowning in subpoena's, and impending court cases that one would prepare for then watch yet another continuance be granted, my eyes had focused on Dorothy McKeever - an elderly victim who obtained ZERO help. From anyone. Not only the courts, government officials, not from the churches, not from the neighbors, not from Ruidoso. Not ONE person had the common decency or caring to help that little old lady who desperately needed help, to give her a home that was livable after being financially raped by Robert Huckins.

And the reality hit me that I may have to make a choice ... I may NOT be able to retrieve my mothers stolen money AND put this man in jail. If he wasn't put in jail it seemed inevitable that given time he would return to stealing from unsuspecting victims. Given time the spots on this leopard would reappear. I couldn't live with myself if I allowed anyone to go through what I have gone through, what I watched Dorothy go through.
So my stand, trying to protect people like Dorothy, has been "PUT THE MAN IN JAIL!"

I was so distraught about what had happened to Dorothy after she died that when I walked into court in March 2010 and approached the judge I asked to speak ON BEHALF of Dorothy.. because she could no longer speak for herself.

Long before then I was getting phone calls demanding that I accept all monies offered, because people had been told that I didn't WANT the money returned.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.. but this IS Ruidoso, so I would get off the phone shaking my head perplexed at why people gossip so, and twist words to say something totally different than intended.

Many, many times I have said that I have NO idea why I am in Lincoln County, or in New Mexico at all. I wish to God I had never SEEN New Mexico and I love the Sacramento Mountains and Lincoln County heart and soul. I can't imagine living anywhere else.
But when you are simply terrified to ask for help, again, because it MAY cause a maelstrom of lies, deceit, fictional accounts that are so far from the truth you couldn't unravel the malicious nonsense if you spent 20 years trying to do so, I think it's perfectly normal to desire to be somewhere else.
I'd like to be somewhere warm right now.

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.” - Tom Bodett

Friday, October 22, 2010

Quiet Desperation

This has been the very first morning I woke so cold I couldn't move my fingers, and still can't it seems. My daughter is 100% correct, I can't move into a trailer with rain pouring in. I can't even handle this weather in a metal shed anymore. My boss said that there was ice on the front deck, under the roof, of his house this morning.
Throughout the night it rained cats and dogs flooding everything. Raining cats and dogs!

In the 1500's houses had thatch roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. They were the only place for the little animals to get warm. So all the pets; dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs, all lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery so sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Here started the saying, "it's raining cats and dogs."

We still have thatched roof's in England, and still have thatchers. Those roof's last forever and, like dry stone walls, is something I probably have the skill to make. I wonder what New Mexico Construction Industries Division would think if I stuck a thatched roof on that trailer? Eee Gads!

I had a terribly fitful night. It was too cold to get up, yet sleep didn't come easily or peacefully. Between worrying about the rain going into the trailer and a frustrating conversation with John, I had a shocking migraine. Having spent most of the day speaking with Senator Adairs office, including a brief conversation with Rod Adair, I had spent an hour trying to locate anyone who could weld a carport type roof with the metal roofing and pipe I have sat on the ground - anything to give this trailer and the building material protection from this constant rain.

This is a standstill, a stand off, that has no answers. I can't get a permit because I can't afford to hire someone with mobile home builders license, and time isn't on my side here. If I don't find a resolve I will not have a home or building material left to work with. I just can't walk outside and stop the rain from causing further damage.
John told me "CID are going to give you fits if you try to put a roof up. " But John just wants to go on and party without having impending problems to deal with - especially those he can ignore.

I just don't give damned anymore. What can the State of New Mexico DO to me anymore that they have not already done?

Someone could have warned me that I needed permits when I was wondering around asking people what I needed, when I was stood telling professionals that this was a last ditch effort to get into a home before winter but I had no idea what I was doing. All I was doing was the best I could, and it was exhausting me.
The reason why I wasn't told isn't that people didn't know, it is because this situation is being made into a bigger deal than it should have ever been allowed to be. No-one could have expected this.

This wasn't exactly a covert operation.

In the spring of 2010 John told me about a single wide in Carlsbad for $2,000 which he went to see and photograph for me and we, Suzie Stockton and I, tried everything possible to get that single wide transported. But it sold before we could find a way. So many people in Ruidoso had been contacted in that process. I was simply besides myself when that trailer was sold.

CID, having spoken to Don at the trailer moving company, could not ignore the reality that I was asking as many questions as possible, trying to find the rules and guidelines, trying to get guidance. It became clearly evident that I was trying to seek a rule book and the ONLY thing they had to do was let me have those homeowners permits when I applied for them on the 24th or 27th BEFORE the laws changed on the 28th and I could no longer get the permits - PERIOD.

Pete, Cheryl and Larry at Alto Cafe had done a benefit b-b-q & garage sale for me last year at this time. I just couldn't thank them enough, still can't. But throughout the day of the garage sale I was fretting about children having no Christmas presents. It was so depressing me.

It was so close to Christmas, and the economy was rocking so bad, that I was wracked with guilt at the thought that we were taking our eyes off the little ones. I have a real soft spot for kids. My own, others, those who are healthy, those who are sick. I'll protect a senior citizen, I'll give my last dime to a person in need. But whenever I walk into TR's Store, Lincoln Mercantile, Harvey's or any other business which has fund drives going they immediately give me updates on the children in need because I would give the air I breath for a child.

When Dianna & Chuck Stallings arrived I quietly told them that I can't keep going trying to come up with the finances to dry in this barn, and make a home out of it, I had to keep looking for another route to get a home.

I stood next to the b-b-q grill and looked at the old hospital MRI building that was in an adjacent lot. It's been sat there in two pieces for years, rain and snow pouring in, and it was severely damaged. I turned to Larry, Cheryl and Pete and said, "I'd be happy with that building to renovate. In fact I'd be tickled pink with it."

I had advertised on Craigslist in the winter of 2008 going all through 2009 for any building, modular or trailer that could be renovated - that was cheap. A local businessman e-mailed me and told me that his partner owned the old MRI building, and he gave me his phone number so I could phone him about it. When I phoned the partner he was in the airport so our conversation was quick, and he sprung a $15,000 asking price for it.

You could have absolutely knocked me down with a feather. I expected him to say $3,000 at the very most. This building is wrecked and needs totally re-building.

Almost a year later at the b-b-q Cheryl explained that he may lower his price. So after the b-b-q Suzie Stockton tried to phoned the owner of the MRI building yet again. I finally reached him 2 days later and he increased the asking price to $16,000 but said that he would accept payments.

There could be no missing the reality that I was going to accept anything that could be a starter project because I was so desperate for a home. This wasn't a secret and for the life in me I can't understand why New Mexico Construction Industries Division couldn't have shown SOME mercy and issued permits on the 24th or 27th of September when I tried to apply for them, because they knew after the 28th there would be NO CHANCE of my being able to get a homeowners permit.

And quite truthfully, I'm cold enough and exhausted enough to say, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damned."

NOTHING is going to make me sit and watch a $9,000 investment ruin when I have tried so hard for so long. If the state wants to harass anyone they had better get over to Robert Huckins..

THIS IS HIS DEAL!

Man arrested on embezzlement and fraud charges
Dianne Stallings dstallings@ruidosonews.com
Article Launched: 09/23/2008 08:45:27 PM MDT
A Lincoln County contractor was arrested Saturday and charged with one count of embezzlement or in the alternative2nd-degree fraud in connection with a case involving a local resident.
Assistant District Attorney Sandra Burson said Tuesday Robert M. Huckins is charged with embezzlement of $80000 and is scheduled to be arraigned today in Magistrate Court in Carrizozo in front of Judge Martha Proctor. His bail was set at $100,000 NO 10 percent bond allowed.
Burson said she planned to attend the arraignment to advocate that Huckins remain in jail. Huckins was out of jail on two other criminal cases filed in February in magistrate court and bound over to district court she said.
In those cases Huckins was scheduled to stand trial on three charges of fraud and one of embezzlement on Oct. 28in front of District Judge Jerry H. Ritter. A date was pending on another case because Huckins' attorney William Griffin withdrew. That case involves five counts of fraud in the 3rd degree one 4th-degree felony fraud and a 2nd-degree felony fraud in Judge Frank K. Wilson's court according to court records.
"He was under a court order as a condition of re-lease from jail on those charges not to contract for any more jobs"
Records show Huckins has amassed a list of civil cases since 1999 with several listed as still pending.
They include a successful action for breach of contract brought by Dorothy McKeever and for debt and money due by nursery owner Ted Conley.
In April 2002 the state Taxation and Revenue Department sought a restraining order to prohibit Huckins from doing business as Cabinet Craft. A department spokesman said Tuesday the order still stands.
"We'd like to hear from people who think Mr. Huckins defrauded them even if they have contacted us before" Burson said. "They can contact me at 575-648-2383."
Huckins has worked under the names of Cabinet Craft and Concept Pros according to Burson.
"The investigation is continuing under our white collar crime division" she said.


Huckins has paid me less than $2,000 of the $82,200 building fund, lives in a home protected by the laws in the State of New Mexico, by the State of New Mexico, that he paid $160,000 for back in the 80's with STOLEN MONEY and here the State of New Mexico are camped on my doorstep saying that I am breaking the law.

*&^%$@#!&^%$#

If I said what I felt this morning this blog would turn x rated!
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Stormy Night


At 2.30am this morning a lightening strike woke me and the heavens outside were opening up. This is a really loud and intense storm with rolling thunder and pouring rain, and so bitterly cold with this high wind. We rarely get storms this bad.

I'm fretting over the less than waterproof house trailer and the money I have invested in building material. The footings of the barn that have been dug out making water erosion inevitable. I just don't see how it can all hold up under this type of weather, but I'm 12 miles south of the property and couldn't do much if I went to Magado Creek and tried to protect everything. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that the new floor in the living room will be flooded out by now.
This is such a helpless feeling.

The fact that I still have internet connection is nothing short of a miracle. It doesn't take long for damp or wet weather to corrode the connections - then I can be without communication for days.

All changes when you are homeless. The snowy days when you could sit in your kitchen drinking hot chocolate brings warm memories, but when everything is stripped away snowy days don't quite bring the same memories. So it is with the constant rain. My boss had a hired hand bank soil around this shed to prevent it from flooding out, but I find myself constantly looking for running water - just in case the bank breaks and I am ankle deep in water.

A friend in Kentucky e-mailed and said: "Dig down deep Denise and remember your ancestral roots .. your ancestors survived the barbarians, survived the Romans, survived the plague, survived the Germans, DON'T SURRENDER, FIGHT THEM UNTO THE END."

I read the e-mail and started laughing. Well, my ancestors were never pulled through the State of New Mexico judicial system, only to then face the State of New Mexico Construction Industries Division. If they had they would have probably been very happy to give England to the Romans lock, stock and barrel.

3+ years is a long time. It's actually a shameful length of time. As you get older and your health starts to fail you realize how important 3+ years out of your life really is.

This morning I telephoned Senator Adairs office, and found that they had not yet done anything but would see what they could do. The fact that more damage is being done to the house trailer and the building material due to the delays by red tagging, during severe weather, doesn't seem to register.

I can't speak. This pneumonia came back in full force last night and I can hardly talk so it get's terribly frustrating trying to explain to someone who has no idea what has happened the seriousness of the situation.

Do you truthfully say, "I'm going to be found dead if I can't get into a warm house very quickly!"

A 57 yr old victim of felony fraud and embezzlement CAN be homeless out in the bitter weather, but can't finish her home because the State of New Mexico wants to "protect me." But Robert Huckins, a licensed builder in the State of New Mexico CAN build without insurance, permits, inspections and they ignore him... and ignore him for FIFTEEN YEARS.

What a load of hogwash!

I'd like to know who reported me to CID, for I am confident that a phone call was made, and the inspector responded to that phone call. I'm also fairly confident that I know whom it was.
I could be wrong and admit such. But I don't think so. The timing with the Ruidoso News article is just too much of a coincidence given all of the other circumstances.

"Control" is a strange thing. While speaking to Jan one day I was so perplexed at why a person would start demanding my social security number, and medical records - and start rummaging through personal information and property tax records. It seems almost psychopathic. Jan smiled and said, "Knowledge is power, power gives a person control."
More drama, manufactured drama borne out of boredom and the need to control a situation. It's psychopathic.

I phoned John Boyd, who said that he would be in Ruidoso this coming week end and would start to put the roof on the barn for me, but I am almost scared to have any hope for fear of facing another crushing disappointment.

Jan is 100% correct. The State of New Mexico need to buy this property from me for the monies my mother invested in it and spare me some serious grief. I have enough grief and it needs to end.

Maybe I should go water the fruit tree's. I seem to have neglected that chore lately.

Living is strife and torment, disappointment and love and sacrifice, golden sunsets and black storms. - Lawrence Olivier

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My Life Has A Superb Cast, But I Can't Figure Out The Plot

The temperature was a good 7 degree's higher this morning when I woke up, which is usually before daybreak. After noon the clouds started to accumulate and it became pretty miserable, and by early evening a serious storm was approaching.

I'm back on track trying to focus on a resolve for the house situation, but for the life in me I have no idea what that means anymore.

The pneumonia is starting to ease off and I feel better than I have in months, I can actually breath better even if I still can't talk. Perhaps the few days of dry weather has helped an awful lot but that will be short lived with storms heading this way from the west coast.

People give me all kinds of advice as though this is the first rodeo I have been in. But yesterday a friend said, "If CID won't let you have a home, and you can't get any help, advertise your property as the ideal place to build a mosque."

I'll have to admit that it took me 10 minutes to stop laughing and I needed a laugh yesterday.

Another friend suggested that seeing that the State of New Mexico refused to protect my mothers money, and won't tell me where it went to, and now put road blocks in front of me preventing me from living on the property we purchased, perhaps the State of New Mexico should buy it.

Now there's a thought.

One of the judges in the 12th District once told me that it was nice that I could still smile through all the adversity. But it's all a facade. I'm horrified that I can't find a resolve, no matter which direction I turn.

I have not been back to the house/land since I finished painting the barn and trying to get stuff out of the trailer. I have an oak desk and a bakers rack that are totally ruined having been wet through many times. Family photos that can't be replaced sat in molded boxes.
It's just breaking my heart.

My belongings are so scattered that a few weeks ago I walked into a local thrift store and there sat one of our tack boxes. I stood open mouthed wondering how on earth one of my tack boxes ended up at a thrift store. In fact it was the first tack box my oldest daughter had when she was showing her Welsh Section A pony in lead line classes in 1979.
We did a "blue" show ring color theme that year, and I sat for days before the first show matching up everything in the same color combination.
The cashier told me to take it, but I insisted on paying for something I already owned bewildered at how it managed to find it's way to a Ruidoso thrift store.

You feel like your whole life is in shambles. The cost of storage was so high that the backhoe woman insisted that I move everything out of the storage units to a shed my boss had built as a 2 horse stall in 2008, on land that she had purchased from him some months prior. Then she demanded that I move everything - again- shortly after. Or else.. she would "dispose" of it. This is the entire contents of a home AND professional horse barn, a "life," with the exception of the antique wood furniture.
The "control" issue again. Manufactured "drama" as a show of power.

It was an absolute nightmare having to stop work, stop everything, and try to move so much stuff, and no-where to go with it. It started raining before I was scheduled to move everything and throughout the moving period. You couldn't walk without sinking ankle deep in mud. We couldn't get vehicles in, even my Ford 350 4x4 slid out of control. Tom & Suzie Stockton who had helped move everything out of storage units some time before returned to help me for 3 days trying to pack everything and move it.
It was simply grueling work for 3 people in their late 50's and 60's with serious health problems. We finally got as many of the "boxed" items as we could into the metal shed I am staying in.. which then flooded perpetually for the entire summer.
What a mess it was, and still is.

I have had over 3 years of trying to move my entire life from one spot to another. Seeing our blue tack box sat in that thrift store I clearly knew that some of it seems to have "escaped.""Before there were self help books, people had horses." - Anonymous

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

"First" Ponies... And Their Owners...

My 11 yr old grand-daughter, Ashley ( then 24 month old ) with her pony "Artax."

Having no idea what to do about my home & barn this chilly morning I decided to switch pace and get away from the house and barn situation for a day.

John Boyd is supposed to be back in the area today, Senator Adair's office may know something today. There are so many variables working and not one may pan out that if I don't take a break it will break me. I am simply a nervous wreck.

I sat with a small group of professionals in the horse industry discussing the state of the economy yesterday afternoon. The latest Keenland prices show an improvement but with rock bottom prices motivating middle eastern buyers there is no telling if we can see this as a sign of recovery or a slight of hand.

Penn National Gaming is moving into Texas, an announcement they made in September 2010. They wouldn't do so if the Texas legislation wasn't ready to make casino's legal in the state of Texas. That move may open up a market for NM breeders to sell to the Texas market, but it may knock a huge hole in Ruidoso Downs and The Inn Of the Mountain Gods.
I wonder if Hubbard and Allred knew this was going to happen before they requested tax relief? Nah, they wouldn't con the people of Lincoln County surely?
The fact that Hubbard sold Zia to Penn National Gaming wouldn't give him close enough inside information to know what is coming down the road in Texas. Wink, wink, nod, nod.

The fact is, no-one knows what is going to happen nor what is coming on the horizon. These are strange times, precarious times. And it hasn't passed my notice that if financially secure people are struggling the victims of crime, like myself, who are left homeless have really got a tough row to hoe.

I don't have a home, so I had to be very resourceful in trying to acquire internet connection. I have it by stringing yards of inside phone lines across to a shed. But it's a very poor connection, and very temperamental. Yet I spent 3 days trying to load one video because it is simply delightful...

After the building fund was stolen the backhoe woman decided that she was going to give away my grand-childrens ponies because my mother and I had become a victim of crime. But I had no idea that this was even happening. I stood helpless and horrified while she phoned a radio station and, out of the blue, announced to the DJ that she had "horses to give away." I rather suspected that the owners of those ponies may verbalize slight objections but she couldn't understand why a grand-mother couldn't get rid of her grand-children's ponies.

"Why" I couldn't do that didn't seem relevant. Neither did, "How can I benefit from doing that?" I can't just walk inside my daughters homes and give away their furniture, or give away their vehicles. If people own something you can't just take their property away from them, no matter how wonderful you may think you look by having all of this 'property" to give away and causing the "drama" of such. You can't resolve the consequences of one theft by stealing from others, especially not stealing from children.

The past 3 years has been a strange road to walk. Half the time trying to defend yourself from total insanity & chaos, the other half not even knowing what insanity and chaos is being manufactured until it's too late to stop it. And all the time trying to focus on court subpoena's, ill & dying children, homelessness and personal health problems that was stressing & exhausting the entire family.

Sometimes you just have way too much going on, too much in too many directions to notice the wildfires people are setting. Until it's out of hand. But this one I noticed and reacted exactly as my mother had done 45 years previous.

My own "Ed" was a New Forest pony called "Yonto." My father purchased Yonto when I was a wee child. 8 years prior he had came from the yearly New Forest round-up, with the LA ownership brand on his shoulder. When my father was killed at Criggleston Pit the lawyers wanted my mother to liquidate everything, including my pony, and her actions left an indelible mark upon me.

True, the situation was a lot different than that of my grand-children. I was a minor child living at home, where my daughters are married with families and lives of their own. My mother paid all the bills, where my daughters and their spouses are responsible for my grand-children and their costs.

But my mother, a person who really doesn't like horses, and who had objected to my father even buying the pony REFUSED to sell Yonto. I was 12 years old, with a pony I had owned since I was 4 or 5 years old who meant the world to me. And my mother refused to see me hurt anymore than I had already been hurt by the loss of my father.

I will remember my mother for that selfless act until the day I draw my last breath.

I owned Yonto until my oldest daughter was born, 12 years later. Putting him to sleep due to severe arthritis was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. He was my best friend, my confidant, and he stood for a love of such depth that "thank you" just didn't cover.

My daughters had a Welsh section A pony called "Sweet Charity" and an American Shetland called "Pollyanna" who could be buggers. All of my grand-children each have a pony .. all branded with the same type of mischievousness. All they have owned since being tiny children.

You just have to love those ponies. This little boy will always love the naughty pony who made a horseman out of him, and the memories of that little gray Welsh section A will warm him in his old age. If you question that ask any horsemen and they will tell you of the equine "loves in their lives," and the first is always a naughty pony.
There is only one problem with falling in love with a horse or a pony.... they don't live long enough, but oh, the memories they make and the characteristics they form in their owners.

God forbid that I should go to any Heaven in which there are no horses. ~R.B. Cunninghame Graham, letter to Theodore Roosevelt, 1917

Pip, a little British equestrian with his pony, "Ed."

Monday, October 18, 2010

An Idle Mind Is The Devil's Workshop


Today it's overcast and chilly, and I am still trying to fight this pneumonia that is really doing a shocking job on me. It feels like rain is right around the corner.

Yesterday the backhoe woman appeared wanted to know if my employer wants some of his fruit trees moved, saplings that we only planted 7 years ago, because we have not been watering them.
I bite my tongue not even wanting to prolong the conversation by explaining that we have had more rain in 2010 than we have had since 1955. We have not had a sprinkler in use for the entire year. It was an almost laughable situation. Move them where to? He planted them where he wanted them.

My employer met the request for him to contact her with the usual rolling of eyes and sighs of exasperation, said that she needs to leave his tree's alone. Then went to hide. Presumably to let me handle it. He will now hide for days for he, like myself, is terrified of confrontations.

The entire situation got me to thinking about "boredom" and what it can do to people. I'm sitting in a glass house with this one, because I'm taking to curling into a fetal position deathly ill, giving up hope of doing anything that brings any level of success. So I need to look at myself first and foremost.

Scripture tells us that:

After Having Done All.. STAND! - Eph 6:10-20

But what do you do when you have done all and you need to keep going, because the alternative is beyond the comprehension of most. I am not getting any younger, nor healthier and I'm unsure if I can take one more winter in the bitter cold. My mother isn't getting any younger and I fear never seeing her alive.

Today is a day of reflection, what can I do NOW. I don't expect to hear from Senator Adair's office for a few days, and I am still trying to get all the furniture out of the trailer - where it has all sat for over 3 years.

But there has to be something constructive that I can do to rectify the problems and get this home back onto a "legal" even keel. The human reaction to adversity is to keep going, keep trying to find a new route, turning over stones to find the answer. When human beings stop being "productive" they have a tenancy to embark on behavior that is "destructive." Whether that be gossiping, getting frustrated, worrying, trying to control others - boredom. It's all the same in the end because it all stems from not knowing what to do in the circumstances you are in and looking for something to "do."

I have turned over enough stones to have moved the Sierra Blanca peak and I just don't know what else it is I should do. There is something so surreal about this.
I am simply lost and confused... and all I can do is wake up crying and fall asleep crying.

But I'm not yet enough lost and confused to water fruit tree's that have been water logged for an entire summer and will clearly be soon water logged again.

Proverbs 16:28: A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Rumordoso


I woke up very early, and very ill this morning. I just can't seem to shake this pneumonia. The temperature say's 32 degree's but you couldn't prove it by me. However, no rain or snow in sight. Hallelujah!

The name "Rumordoso" was the very reason I started this blog. When I did a web search of the name it brought up pages and pages of web sites, mostly blogs. One specifically caught my attention because it was written by a local and well written. From Texas O Texas:

"You may know it as Ruidoso, but I and everyone living there know it as Rumordoso. As I think about it, this synonym-like and disturbing word that has been mimicked throughout the small town, hardly justifies the true essence of Ruidoso. Behind it’s beautiful mountains, pine trees, ski resort, and neighboring reservations hides a world hugely affected by drugs, primarily cocaine, marijuana, and methamphetamine."

When I did a further search I found that Wild West Domains, Inc owned the web sites with the name Rumordoso.

The fact is, the region has earned it's name and with justification. Gossip runs faster than an All American winner and by the time it's gone from one part of the village to the other the "facts" being spread around have no bearing on "truth." Often with disastrous and destructive results.
Ruidoso tongues wagging could raise the dead!

Yesterday I spoke to Jeff Harvey and see how much it would cost me to have him take his bobcat to my land and get that soil in the barn, that has been dug away from the walls, back onto of the footings before the water caused erosion cause larger cracks in the structure than I am already trying to fill. When he said he charges $65 a hour I gasped. I'm clearly in the wrong business. But Jeff laughed and said that it wouldn't take long and he'd go by and take a look.

At the Lazy J Running Thoroughbred & Quarter Horse ranch Jan looked like she had been pulled through a hedge backwards. I started watering horses as she told me her eventful day that had gone from one emergency after another, including "digging out" a champion short hair pointer who dug himself into a hole - but couldn't get out, and was slowly being asphyxiated.

As we both stood looking towards the Sierra Blanca and Nogal Peak Jan suddenly said, "Mike asked me what I would do if I ever won the lottery, and I told him the very first thing I would do is BUY DENISE A HOUSE."

Winning the lottery has more than once crossed my mind as I buy my employer 200+ lottery tickets & scratches a week. You start out by saying, "If ONLY I had 5 or 6 million dollars." Then you realize that you really don't need 5 or 6 million dollars, and you go down to hundreds of thousands, then thousands. Heck, if only I had enough to PAY someone to finish this trailer & barn so I can be in a warm home I'd be tickled pink.

But this morning I looked at the lottery tickets I purchased yesterday for my employer and realized that if I had the money all of these lottery tickets had cost to buy during the past 3 years I'd already be in a home. Perhaps I should send a ransom note to the state of New Mexico lottery board. I am going to hold my boss hostage until they give him a winning ticket!


This morning the 3rd birthday boy was driving his new tractor and trailer around the Ruidoso soccer field as my daughter managed her soccer team. When you are 3 years old life is all good!

Truth is treason in the empire of lies - Ron Paul

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Perseverance


Rain Forecast, Perhaps Snow... the mere thought of snow simply mortifies me. If I had wanted webbed feet I would have remained in England.. the amount of rain we have had in 2010 is really too much. The weather forecast say's that a severe storm will hit us mid-week but I am praying that it will not materialize.

My youngest grandson, Zach, has his 3rd birthday tomorrow and for weeks he has begged and pleaded for a battery operated tractor and farm trailer. We purchased it two weeks ago and it's been safely hidden.
Not knowing that his hearts desire is already his the begging and pleading continues. He is showing incredible focus and perseverance for a 3 yr old. Prayerfully it will be dry enough tomorrow for him to zoom around their property enough time for him to have fun.

* Perseverance: "Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness."
* prokarteresis suggest more than mere toleration of a circumstances....
* It means to be "earnest or strong towards; to be constantly diligent; to adhere closely to; to continue instant in; to be steadfast with a person or a thing."

I believe that I have been nothing but persevering ... I'm not too sure that I can persevere anymore.

You can become so confused about life, loyalty, character and what people regard to be right and wrong that it simply blows your mind. Has the whole world lost it's ever loving mind or is this restricted to Lincoln County?

We have such an incredibly small number of people within a 400 mile square radius most people can't even comprehend it. If I said 20,000 give or take a few, I wouldn't be far off. Yet every time you turn around someone else is embezzling large amounts of money.

There was yet another case this past week, a 70 year old given 3 years in jail for stealing over $100,000 from the Ruidoso Board of Realtors, the very SAME people who backed the GTR tax which means a continuance of an entire community depending on gambling as a foundation of their revenue.

Over $100,000 was the figure given when it came to the money being investigated from the churches the week prior.

Robert Huckins hit the magical $100,000 figure quite a few times in his criminal career, turning dozens of lives upside down in the process.

Our middle class is slowly dissolving in this recession. The working class are simply falling below the poverty level. I have known a lot of wealthy people, but despite the hardship the economy is subjecting some to I've never met any millionaire who was any happier because of their wealth. I have known more than a few who were miserable.

So what would possess someone to embark on a life of crime if it is going to cause such misery for all concerned?

I hear so much talk of "Patriotism" "Constitution" "Rights"as though America invented the words but rarely do I hear about "Character" "Honesty" "Honor ability" "Integrity."

A nation is nothing without those characteristics, because eventually criminal behavior will become the normal and we won't even bat an eye when someone steals large sums. It will be what we can expect because it will be what we deserve.

I want my grandson to grow into an honorable person, who walks an honest path with integrity. I want his word to be is bond, and a handshake to be a firm promise. I want him to look in the mirror and see the man God desires him to be.
I want that far more than he wants that battery operated tractor and trailer.

Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value. ~Albert Einstein