Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Snow On The Horizon..

The insanely high wind today whipped up and quickly got out of control. With serious storms bearing down on New Mexico it's not an impossibility that here in Ruidoso we may see snow in the next 24 hours. After work I started getting ready for that materializing.

Keeping anything clean, including bedding and clothes, has become an exercise of frustration. Everything quickly gets covered in a substantial amount of dust, or if the weather is wet, mud. Maybe I should change my name to "Gypsy Rose Lee."

I can't wait for Christmas to be over so I can face this nightmare head-on again. If the Lord called me home tomorrow it would be a miracle to spare me so much heartache, a selfish emotion I know, but one so sincerely made.

For whatever reason the Lord seems to think that I shall remain here and struggle through this mess so I smile and thank Him for the courage I must get from Him, for I have none left of my own.

I still have to return to Tulerosa to pick up the remaining supplies, the second and last load, I bought months ago but can't find the heart to ask Jan and Mike to find the time to spend another day hauling this close to Christmas. Neither have I been near my property in weeks fearing that I won't be able to handle a disheartening sight.

Sometimes this all feels so hopeless and I feel so helpless..

My boss wants another riding horse so I phoned an ad. today but was a little relieved when the owner said that it had been sold. Had he bought it where on earth would he put it? I have cardboard boxes, suitcases and so much property in the stall and paddock and nowhere to move it to.

Moving my personal belongings and professional equipment has become good enough for a sit com. But there is nothing I can do but fret and worry about a trailer house that I couldn't even get dried in before the first snow storm of the winter, and wonder how I'll get through this one.

Santa, all I wanted for Christmas was the home I bought and paid for. Is that too much to ask for?

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. - Maya Angelou