Saturday, July 7, 2012

Anatomy Of An Anxiety Attack

Finally rain arrived. It arrived in glorious form, a downpour that lasted long enough to give us inches of rain and refresh land that had been parched and dry.

The last 10 weeks have been an attempt to tie everything together to be "workable"  giving both businesses the opportunity to pull me out of the Huckins induced mess. Thus far I don't seem to have managed and the consequences are turning dire.

So dire I phoned a pastor early this morning - while in the middle of an anxiety attack. By the time I had finished speaking with her I started looking for the nearest tree to hang myself on.

There is so much Christianity around me but WHERE is Christ?

By the 26th of June I had driven so many miles seeking work, applying for jobs and trying to kick start two businesses. I was now running out of money. I went from church to church dropping off brochures explaining  that I was desperate for work - if nothing else enough work to keep me going. Not one person responded. I let the truck sit knowing that I had enough to go but one direction, and could go no further than a 20 miles round trip.

Real panic became anxiety attacks.  By the 1st of July I received a phone call from Oxford Healthcare. For a brief peaceful night it seemed that I had a full time job - at last. But trying to find the gas to travel a 120 mile round trip became the hurdle I just couldn't overcome.

By July 5th I no longer had the job offer because I couldn't come up with gas. But everything had already started to snowball and only employment would have stopped the damage.

I have run three different advertisements that have been running for 2-3 months now. Some are paid for and some are unpaid ad's - like Craigslist. Yet the responses, via e-mail and the 50+ texts seem ominously the same:

If I sent the person my bank account number they will hire me, share a house with me, or bestow millions of dollars upon me. But none are legitimate and I am starting to wonder if I have made an awful mistake coming to Missouri. At least not without a colt 45 to finish myself off  if I broke a leg - or my spirit.

For the last 7 days all I have managed to do is sit and cry - cry heartbroken. I came all the way to Missouri to lose what little I managed to keep hold of during the four years I tried to find the stolen building fund.  I have never, not ONCE in my life, watch anyone struggle without jumping in to help. It is totally incomprehensible to me.  If I ever see a human beings suffering or struggling and DO NOT help please God strike me down dead. No, just take me home because I cannot handle one more day in this world - I have tried to recover in two states, in a serious economic recession/depression and the punishment is way too cruel and cold for me. I just want to go home. I don't want to live this way anymore.

There has to be someone related to Robert & Sylve Huckins must have some means to reach them, if it be Michael Huckins, Dr.Kenneth Ogilvie ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) or Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins and get them to return ALL of the money they stole from us so that I can buy a home and get our lives back. I am begging anyone in this family for help.

I don't believe I have EVER witnessed any none vio
lent crime that can be as devastating as stealing someone's home. I am walking in Dorothy McKeevers footsteps, day by day, month by month, year by year.

Liam Griffin, I sat in your law office with two witnesses as you gave me your promise, your guarantee, that our money would be returned before harm came to us.

Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins you were present the day I signed contract with your son. You walked out of the kitchen with Sylve Huckins and your son introduced me to you. He told you that I was the British horse trainer he had told you about, the one he was going to build the home and barn for. Why didn't you say something? There may be a rational and reasonable explanation but I have spent over 3 years, homeless, not understanding it. I understand it even less knowing that though I was a total stranger, both Dorothy McKeever and Sally Canning you KNEW, and you knew what your son had done to them and others.

Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, I contacted you and simply a
sked for a reference, not knowing that Robert Huckins was your cousin. Robert Huckins had just stolen over $30,000 from the domestic violence shelter, HEAL, yet everyone was trying to hide it. There was a history of stealing large amounts of money. $65,000 PLUS from Nancy Canning. $89,000 PLUS from Dorothy McKeever, $45,000 from Francis McKinney. The list just goes on and on and on.

Because of Robert Huckins I ended up paying
$140,000 to be homeless.. sat in the cold, emotionally, physically and financially broke. In the middle of a recession, with no way to recover the stolen funds.Today Robert Huckins has his own home...
He also has OUR home.....
He also has a lot of people's money...
And his freedom.

Women are not banks or loan institutions. Women should not be the source of a retirement fund for people who don't want to do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Holding women hostage while playing with the judicial system, a horrendous game of cat and mouse extending YEARS, with the victims whose very homes, families and stability are in jeopardy is cruelty, as cruel as a physical beating. It is financial and emotional RAPE. Homelessness is not justice. It is a slow, painful death.
Please, I beg with everything I have within me, pl
ease convince Robert Huckins to stop this torture and return the building fund he stole from us so we too, can have a home.

Relevant pages:


My Response To:D-1226-CR-200800062

A Jade stone is useless before it is processed; a man is good-for-nothing until he is educated. ~ Chinese Proverb