Sunday, January 23, 2011

Rewind Button Please

Last night was one of those nights I was so deathly ill that I couldn't sleep. I finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up 3 hours later to...


Going from 55 degree sunny days to frigid snowy days in less than 24 hours is getting a little tiresome, but the alternative may be not having any 55 degree sunny days - so I will hold my tongue.

I spent yesterday evening and most of the night reading the blogs of the homeless. I didn't even know that there were such blogs around - but there are. Thousands of them . As I read each account I couldn't help but remember someone telling me that when you reach your late 50's you are in the "youth of your old age."

The fact is, I'm ill and tired. Sleepless nights and these constant migraines and health problems are draining me. And I KNOW that it would take so little to get that property livable - yet it's so far out of my reach. I'm even frustrated that I spent so much money hauling in supplies to renovate - new doors, double glazed windows, pressure tank, wood, plywood, nails, concrete blocks, new range, almost new fridge, panels, gates, roofing material and I don't even have the physical strength to even move items let alone try to put it all together to make a home.

I want to go back to my youth: I want the stamina, good health, devilish determination of youth to face this life. The level of optimism that will take on anything with no question of defeat. Maybe it takes those components to totally ignore the obvious and see everything as simple as can be.

I need a rewind button to get me back to an age where all the problems in the world could be resolved through simplistic measures. Where failure was never an option and we each believed ourselves to be perfectly capable of changing the entire world.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. ~ Mark Twain