Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sunshine And Tears...

Saturday afternoon one of my hips went out due to the Bassel-Hagens disease and walking or sitting became so painful I was gritting my teeth trying to remain functional. By this morning it just feels heavily bruised, but not the excruciating pain I experienced since Saturday.The weather is absolutely fabulous but I'm starting to wonder if that is a plus or a minus. It's true that it's a lot more comfortable than facing those 11 degree temperatures. Today it's 59 degrees - wonderful weather - but last night after 7 pm it was well into the upper 30's, lower 40's. Yet with the warmer spring like weather comes a desperate desire to get into a home - to get the trailer house finished, get the barn roof on and without help my hands are tied.
I don't even know whom to turn to to get help anymore, all the help I had ran when the construction industries division red tagged the trailer, and they never returned. It's such a lost and confused feeling.

Sometimes desperation turns into panic, and that panic plummets me into a depression I barely withstand. It's been one of those times when tears fall sub-consciously and I have an overwhelming desire to just GO HOME.. but I don't have a home to go to.
I opened the letter from the State of New Mexico Corrections Department and found a money order for the January 2011 payment from Robert Huckins made out to the amount of $456.66.
That means that he now ONLY owes me $78,546.72.

At this rate it will take me over a year to be able to afford the electric poles to turn the electricity on at the land - but why worry about electricity when you can't find anyone to actually help you get a home ready to live in.

Still the sun shines, the weather couldn't be more perfect to get the house trailer and barn finished and I'm just desperate for a home and desperate for help.
"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it" - Albert Smith