Monday, April 25, 2011

Blue Monday

The high winds literally tore through this shed all yesterday evening, and all night, and calmed down not at all this morning. With the high winds came a drop in temperature that sent me into shock. Enough of a shock to my system to quickly reminded me that I simply cannot weather another winter in this shed and survive it.

The April restitution payment from Robert Huckins has still not arrived, but when you are trying to build and renovate a $450 payment each month is almost sickening.

The migraines eased up considerably when I stopped trying to find a way to get into a home, but this morning they returned in earnest as my mind went back onto that single-wide trailer and horse barn, and the mortifying fear that I can't find the help or the finances to get it completed engulfed me.

I have all the faith in the world that I have a home waiting for me after I leave this earth, but the faith that I can struggle through this dilemma has faded and I am grasping on with both hands.

When we talk about understanding, surely it takes place only when the mind listens completely -- the mind being your heart, your nerves, your ears -- when you give your whole attention to it.~ Jiddu Krishnamurti