Saturday, July 9, 2011

Stressed Saturday

Last night was one of those nights where you wish the Lord would take you home. It started with a family of racoons invading my boxes of belongings - again. And it ended with insomnia and fretting which lead to a violent migraine. By 3.30am I managed to fall asleep, but not before I realized that I had gone 24 hours without anything to eat. How one can be so stressed that you can forget to eat is a question I have no answers to. But I have done it more than once and I'm confident that I will do it again.Living in a shed makes luxuries like refrigerators, stoves impossible to have, so I had to wait until daylight to eat, and even then I became so churned up fretting over a home and barn I forgot.. again. By the time I managed to get something to eat at 1.20 pm this afternoon, my stomach was churning so much I couldn't even keep any food in my mouth, let alone swallow it.

Throughout the winter I tried to keep a sense of humor, but my sense of humor has long been replaced with paralytic fear and sheer desperation. I am so scared as the clock keeps ticking away and I find myself struggling in a quagmire of financial problems trying to get a home and barn on our land. There are so many fears. Being outside without a home through a 4th winter is one, not seeing my mother alive is another. A myriad of problems that can only be resolved by getting the home we bought and paid for in December of 2007.
It never even dawned on me that stress can kill you. But having gone through the trauma I have lived through there is no doubt in my mind that stress is a cold blooded killer. Dorothy McKeever had to go to the Lord to get relief and justice. Is that going to be my fate?

The problem with the utilities/electric is going to take some time to work out so there is little point in phoning Jan for an update. I was such a nervous wreck the last time I spoke to her she had to repeat herself at least three times for it to sink in that she could do no other than wait for a clear course of action from the electrician friend.
The weather report during the past week kept saying that the monsoon rains were due to start.. but they didn't. Yet we can feel the moisture in the air so it's not going to be long before we see what we desperately need... a substantial amount of rain. But for today the weather is simply gorgeous. Sunny, warm and beautiful. Praying to see some rain clouds come over the Sierra Blanca very soon.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find anyone who cares. Dr. Kenneth Ogilvie, Michael Huckins, Patricia Ogilvie-Huckins ( Diana Huckins? Dominic Huckins? Malcolm Huckins? ) Anyone who may know where our building fund is hidden, or anyone who may help retrieve it. I am praying that one of you can speak to your cousin, brother, son and appeal to him to return the building fund he stole from us. While it was 24 degrees below zero outside you were all in warm homes. I was outside with no heat. While your lives have gone on uninterrupted. While your lives have gone on as normal, my family, my career, our lives have been irreparably shattered. I have not been able to see my mother since she came to Ruidoso to buy a home in 2007. We have tried every means to go on without the stolen money. But we can't obtain a home and restore our family unless it is returned. I implore, I beg as I have never begged before, I am begging for mercy. Please get Robert Huckins to return what wasn't his to take. What was our legal property. What we desperately needed to put a roof over our heads. To have a home. No-one should be so cruel and callous to steal someone's home and leave women homeless and desperate.

What does Reverence for Life say abut the relations between [humanity] and the animal world? Whenever I injury any kind of life I must be quite certain that it is necessary. I must never go beyond the unavoidable, not even in apparently insignificant things. The farmer who has mowed down a thousand flowers in his meadow in order to feed his cows must be careful on his way home not to strike the head off a single flower by the side of the road in idle amusement, for he thereby infringes on the law of life without being under the pressure of necessity~ Albert Schweitzer