Monday, June 6, 2011

It Feels Good To Feel Good...

The weather was simply gorgeous today, sunny and in the upper 70's, and I felt well enough to get a considerable amount of work done ~ though nothing as miraculous as finding a way to get the single wide and barn finished.

Ironically the day didn't start as positive as it ended. Around 12.20 am I woke up to a blinding migraine and remained awake 2 or 3 hours. I fell asleep through sheer exhaustion, so many sleepless nights has taken a toll on me. I woke up later than normal, around 9 am, but I woke up with no migraine and I was simply delighted to feel this good. It was so very convenient to feel well enough to do a lot of work, while my boss was at the racetrack watching one of his horses run.
Then I started doing the advertising and promotion for the upcoming July/August equestrian events in the region.

Jan and I spoke about the electrician and it turns out that he's on vacation. Maybe one of these days I will be able to find someone who can help me get utilities to that land. But it's clearly not today.Despite feeling so good for most of the day, and being so productive, the stress of the single wide and barn started to put pressure on me, and by late afternoon I was starting to become a nervous wreck again. In fact while discussing the marketing a statement was made that "August isn't that far away" and that simple statement gripped me with terror.

I am not too sure how to stop this sheer anxiety that takes a hold of me when I start to see how quickly the months are passing, and how difficult it is becoming to get a home. It's such a painfully lonely feeling, and simply terrifying. Time isn't what I have... I ran out of time in 2008.

Be as beneficent as the sun or the sea, but if your rights as a rational being are trenched on, die on the first inch of your territory. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson