Thursday, June 2, 2011

One Year Of Blogging..

On the 5th of June, 2010 I started this blog thinking that it would follow the progress of recovery. A successful recovery. I thought it would be so exciting.
It simply never dawned on me that one year, and several thousand dollars later, I would be in exactly the same position as when I started it. Or as I was in January 2008. I thought the previous 2+ years were due's to a judicial system I didn't owe, but I had paid.

Last night I struggled with a violent migraine from dusk to dawn. I couldn't sleep, couldn't get comfortable and had it not been for the silence of the night I would have probably screamed in anguish. So much went through my mind. My mother, my family, my career.. a life I can't get under control, homelessness I can't resolve, a building fund I can't find. An economy turned upside down that seems to have fallen into a bottomless pit. I thought of Dorothy McKeever. I think of her a lot. I thought a lot of her. And the thousands of people who have recently lost their all.

I had just started to become exhausted enough to fall to sleep when the phone call came to tell me that my youngest daughter has now been diagnosed with "systemetic MRSA." Getting out of bed was almost too unbearable, but the pain of hearing that diagnosis sent my mind into shock.

A potential client surfaced for the Palomino gelding at the Lazy J, so I phoned Jan to give the name and phone number praying that this would be a loving knowledgeable home for one more horse. Two down, Lord only knows how many more to market. I explained to Jan that I am way too ill to go to the Lazy J today, made my apologies and turned my attention to my daughter.

Then I phoned my youngest daughters hospital room to find out what is happening and listened to her break down and sob heartbroken after admitting that the MRSA isn't under control but getting worse. Terrified that she is going to die, frightened that this disease is now out of control. I can't even offer to bring my grand-daughter out of harms way, or my daughter into a home where I can look after her, because I don't have a home to bring either one to.

The rain forecast for this week still hasn't come though the thunder rolled during the night. Lord, let it rain to wash away our tears.

The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government. ~ Thomas Jefferson