Monday, June 28, 2010

Our God Of Second Chances...

Trying to allow God to meet my needs fell awful short yesterday.

I drove to Roswell to look at a single wide trailer I was assured wouldn't take very long to renovate, but it has "minor" hail damage to the exterior.

Finding it wasn't hard, it was the single wide teetering on it's side in the middle of a junk yard. All windows smashed out, no doors, 2 foot wide holes through the roof. I could smell the trailer even before I stepped into it. What a mess. All the interior had been soaked in water many, many times over. The ceiling hung down, the walls were falling in, it was full of black mold and there was an awful smell which burned your nose. I wondered if that was what a meth lab could possibly smell like. Each room was full of old motorbike parts.

It didn't take long to realize that this had been moved as a condemned building years upon years ago and should have been condemned as a health hazard right where it sat. If I had $15,000 and 3 years I may be able to make it livable. A $1 lighter would save everyone the trouble.

Driving back home I started to fret. Time is really running out and this running from county to county is getting so frustrating. This has been a three year odyssey and I am so exhausted. Then the rain started - and I have no waterproof shelter.

In the afternoon I was moping up the rain water flowing through this metal shed and I started to get frustrated in earnest.

The fact that the thief Huckins is living in a comfortable $160,000 home, totally protected by the laws of the land, came to mind, while hoarding my mothers money - knowing the pain and suffering it's causing - and there was no stopping me at that point.

The lack of justice in our judicial system is so horrendous you don't know what to think.

I sent an e-mail to the DA's office that I want to speak to Judge Ritter, and want to do so at the next hearing, the 30th of June I believe.

All kinds of things went through my mind, until I was so angry all I could do was cry. After hours of tears I realized that I was, again, doing the very thing that prevented God from being able to extend His grace to me.

" Lord, I am willing to be made willing to live as You lived on this earth. Please make me willing."