Friday, February 11, 2011

Migraine Fairy

After being up all night with the migraine from hell I tried to medicate myself just to be able to get an hours sleep early this morning, waking up after 9.45 am. I still can't shake this and I am so deathly ill.

I just don't know why I am having these earth shaking migraines, why I am so ill. The tumors on my spine, neck are causing me so much discomfort but I have the same skeletal system when I don't have a migraine as when I do so I'm having a hard time linking the Bassel-Hagens to the migraines. I have gone from experiencing 2 or 3 migraines per YEAR before 2008 to not being able to get rid of a migraine for over a 24 hour period. I've gone from being physically active before 2008 to being close to invalid.
Is it stress? The frigid cold my body is experiencing? I know that I am too old to go through what I have gone through he past 3 years. That has become so clearly evident.

For the past three years I have started to realize what people go through when their mind is active, but their bodies slowly deteriorate leaving them incapacitated. My legs hurt when I just walk.. putting one foot in front of the other has become so painful. The arthritis in my neck, spine, hips, ankles, wrists and fingers has dramatically increased in a 3 year period.
But I could try to function, and pretend that all is alright, if I could just get these migraines under control.

Lord, if you won't open the door for me to have a home I beg You to take these migraines from me.

Migraine or not I managed to get to the Lazy J, and Jan offered to come and help me load Copper, whose body has been sat outside this shed door for eight days now.

I can't remember a time when I was so grateful, so overwhelmed with thankfulness, as I was when Jan said, "You can't let a beloved pet sit outside your door, it's just NOT healthy emotionally for you. I'll come help you load her."

Copper was literally frozen solid, and frozen solid to the ground. It wasn't easy trying to get the blanket she was wrapped in to pull free from the snow, but with two people it wasn't impossible.

Two small built, middle aged women with a combined age of 127 years, carrying a large frozen dog is the stuff even movie producers couldn't make up. Copper looked so peaceful. I absolutely adored this dog and I miss her something awful.

But the absolute terror of fearing that warm temperatures would come and she would start to decompose right before my eyes was more than I could stand. Even having to walk by her a dozen times a day was rattling my nerves. I am blessed, so sincerely blessed, that Jan helped me load her.

Jan would like an Irish Wolfhound, so finding one is my quest. My way of saying thank you when the words are never quite enough.

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? ~ - George Eliot