Saturday, February 26, 2011

Wind, Rain And Snow..

I would like to think that this is the very last winter storm of 2010-2011, but with winds expected to gust to 45-80 mph it looks like it may turn into one to remember. We are being told to expect 3 to 6 inches of snow and I am simply dreading another fight with frigid temperatures. Despite the weather forecast and the high winds the weather is simply gorgeous today.

I went to bed last night with a migraine, trying to sleep it off. But I was woken up around 3.30 am with the wind beating against this shed. It's rather strange being inside an enclosed garden shed when bad weather arrives, because you can't see anything and the noise is terrifying. A small branch can sound like a 30ft tree hitting the roof.

Trying to get my mind off the sadness and depression due to the deaths of so many beloved pets, and the sheer terror of perhaps losing my truck, my mind wondered back to the old single wide trailer and the barn last night.

Had I tried to renovate it before moving it onto my land I'm convinced that I would have had a better chance to have been in a home, out of the weather, before the winter. Because that would have made it impossible for New Mexico Construction Industries to stop the work while the trailer was not on a permanent site. Yet in saying that I know that the help I had was very limited, and without help I am betwixt a rock and a hard place no matter which way I turn.

A few months ago a local businessman contacted me through the Ruidoso News and he advised me not to put any more money into the trailer. I am aware that the single wide is trashed. I could not have afforded it had it not been. Last year I drove Jesse crazy wanting to "stucco" the outside of the trailer because it looks so hideous. I am more than aware that it is rough enough to make anyone cringe. I never thought I would have even considered living in such, but when you are homeless, struggling to put your family back together, you become desperate enough to try anything to rectify the situation.

People simply don't realize how blessed they are to have a home. Until they don't have one.

I have a 30-35 year old single wide that was written off as salvage that John Boyd found and assured me that it could be renovated if I could come up with the funds. It has rotten floors, rotten walls. The windows were broken out. There is no plumbing nor electric wiring in it.

One living room wall has been replaced, along with the floor, and double glazed windows were installed. A new front door was installed. But then NM Construction Industries red tagged me and shut it down. It was shut down before it was weatherproof or waterproof, and once the permit was issued to allow me to start working on it again in November I no longer had any help to do so.

New bathroom cabinets, sink, toilet, brand new stove, lumber and a back door are sat inside the single wide along with a lot of 2x4's and 2x6's. I have not dared walk into that trailer since autumn because I just can't emotionally handle to stress of seeing the trailer sustain more damage due to the weather - damage that may not be repairable.

So last night and today my mind is back to trying to figure out ways to get everything put together. My head was simply spinning trying to figure out how to do what I have failed to do for almost 4 years. It's so stressful but it is, at least, taking my mind off the impending storm. And then there is the lottery, Lord bless me so I can have my family back together and bless so many people across this land.

We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.~ Woodrow Wilson